"They"

A couple of weeks ago, I went to the urgent care clinic to get checked over for an infection.  As I was filling out the paperwork, the receptionist told me that if I came back after Halloween, they would X-ray Leah's candy for me for free.  She intoned in a hushed, world-weary whisper, "It's a shame that people do stuff that makes that necessary."

I thanked her politely and went on with my appointment.  But all the time, I was wondering, "Who, exactly, are 'those people'?".

We recently went through a fairly nasty election cycle here in Virginia.  Or so I'm told, I resolutely did not turn on the radio or cable television from September till November 6.  But according to what I've heard, "they" want to strip our rights, "they" want to take our money, "they" don't like puppies.

Not only do we seem to be becoming more and more of a fractionalized society, we seem to be getting more paranoid.

I remember October of 1984 being the first time I was aware that "they" were out there.  I was 9 years old, it was Halloween, and my father's grandmother had just died, so we were in New Jersey for the funeral.  My grandmother took us trick-or-treating, but it was just two years after the Tylenol Scare, and people were paranoid about poison or drugs in Halloween candy, razor blades in apples.  (According to Snopes, there are no true cases of poisoned Halloween candy, although there have been 80 cases of sharp objects in candy--mostly from kids trying to freak out younger siblings.  Read here for more.)  And so my sister and raked in pennies that year.  All my grandmother's little old lady neighbors handed out foil wrapped packets of pennies.  When all was said and done, we each had well over $5 in pennies, some obtained by giving the ladies a kiss to earn more pennies, which seems a little weird to me now as an adult.  Rewarding children with cash for kissing strangers doesn't seem smart, but it was a more innocent time.

I remember being powerfully excited at the prospect of that much money, but I did think about who exactly out there would want to harm children, harm my little sister and me, by poisoning their candy.  The answer, basically, is no one.

We've heard in the past year about how the government is spying on all of us, listening in on our phone conversations, accessing our Facebook accounts, hacking the cell phones of foreign allies.  Hidden cameras and closed circuit cameras track our every movement.  As if no one can be trusted any more.  As if we are all up to something.

Each time something major goes on in this country, it drives a further wedge between "us" and "them".  Depending on who, exactly, "they" are depends on whoever the 'he' or 'she' is who committed a crime, said something they shouldn't have, behaved in a way we would not have.  The 9/11 hijackers successfully marginalized the entire Middle East to "them" status for many Americans.  Whenever a shooter goes crazy and kills a bunch of people, suddenly all gun owners are 'those gun owners' and those who don't own guns and support gun control (myself included) are 'those people who want to take away our guns'.  There are 'those Republicans' and 'those Democrats' and 'that Michael Moore' and 'that Bill O'Reilly'.  But really, any 'them', any of 'those people' only have the power we ascribe to them.

It has not been any secret among my family and friends that when I am home, I leave my back door open.  Many is the time I've been expecting someone, and suddenly I hear the door open and someone walks right in.  When Mike was alive, the door was open all the time.  I do lock it now that I'm alone with just Leah for protection.  I grew up in a small town where 'they' didn't exist.  Where 'they' still don't exist.  We never locked the doors.  My mother never turned the car off when she went in the post office.  I could drive to my father's this afternoon and not need a key to get in the house.  There is a level of trust and a lack of fear that is refreshing.  Meanwhile, my neighbors warn me that 'they' are breaking into cars at night, 'they' are going to raise our taxes or utility rates, 'they' are going to poison, rape, maim, or kill us while we sleep.

To counteract 'their' presence and possible intrusion in our lives, we develop elaborate schemes with light timers for when we're away.  We leave a spare car.  We don't leave a spare key because 'they' will find it and use it to break in.  We stop the mail, we leave a radio on, we get small, yappy dogs, we install cameras, we pass 'information' on to friends, 99 percent of which can be disproved with a little research.  We don't let our children out of our sight, we don't let our children make their own plans, we kiss our spouses good bye in the morning not quite sure if a crazy on a train will kill them, or if 'those other drivers' will kill them, or if the demands of 'those people' they work with will drive them to an early death.

'They' seem to be from a different country.  'They' seem to have a different skin color.  'They' seem to be of a different faith background or political persuasion.  'They' seem to like Coke instead of Pepsi.  'They' seem to be fat, thin, rich, poor, angry, sad, happy, famous, disabled.

It makes me sad to see so many people nervous and worried, so many people who isolate themselves, stay home, keep their families home.  And I realize in even typing that sentence, I'm probably generalizing another set of 'they's.

To date, I've never met one single other person who has the exact same beliefs, politics, likes/dislikes, hair color, skin color, tastes that I do.  My late husband and I differed politically.  My sister and I, who in sharing a bloodline are as close to the same as any two people can get without being twins, have wildly different views on things, different perceptions of the world.  I like that.  I think 'they' make it interesting.  I think 'they' challenge me to consider and re-evaluate and think. 'They' affirm some of my beliefs, challenge some, and change some.  'They' have value and dignity and worth.

For my own part, I choose to continue to believe in the basic goodness and safety of my life and the people around me.  I try to rush to judgment less, to get to know people more.  I am very happy to say that I'm friends with people who are polar opposites of me in certain beliefs and respects, and while I can't say that I agree with them, nor will my opinions change because of what they've told me, I'm proud to be able to have flourishing friendships that can engage in interesting debate and then move on.  I don't believe there is a dangerous 'they' out there.  I believe there are individuals who do bad things, but they define no one but themselves by their behaviors.

And so, I chose not to X-ray Leah's Halloween candy.