2013 Round Up

New Year's Eve and in the great tradition of many of my friends, I'm sitting here considering life in the past year and looking ahead to life in the new year.  There are huge chunks of time this year that I honestly can't remember.  I'll do a quick sort of monthly thing and then a few key moments and then a look ahead.


January:  I remember that we did the 3 Kings dinner in January.  We had over 40 people crammed into the house, something like 13 of  whom were children under 10.  It was getting convoluted.  We had extra people involved this year--my mom was here and helped with cooking, a few friends came to arrange tables and set them and decorate.  I really felt out of it.  I made the resolution not to sit in the kitchen this year--somehow every year I wind up sitting at the end of the table that juts into the kitchen and I miss visiting with everyone.  But sure enough, I was in the kitchen again this year.  But I like the kitchen people.  So it was all good.

Leah and Cinderella

I don't remember anything else until the end of the month when I took Leah to DisneyWorld for a week.  We stopped off en route at our friends Russell and Amy's house, where Amy and I had a tea party and watched Downton Abbey (Lady Sybill died and I was distraught--her death brought up some unwelcome memories for me.)  We spent 4 days in the parks, one each at Animal Kingdom (meh) and EPCOT and two at The Magic Kingdom.  The big thrills for Leah were swimming in the pool at the resort and meeting the princesses.  Her favorite ride was The Haunted Mansion, and I will never, ever as long as I live forget her dragging me onto the goddamned Astro Orbiter, where I cried, screamed, and cursed.  I must have put on quite a show because I got a smattering of applause when I got off the thing, and I will never set foot on it again.  Leah also enjoyed the boat ride at The Land in EPCOT. We packed lots of PB&J and the resort sent her a Rapunzel doll and balloons as their special guest, which I thought was pretty stinking awesome.

I'm pretty sure we might also have gone to my dad's because we usually do, but I don't honestly remember if we did or not.  I feel like I covered NY to Florida in January, but I can't say for sure.  Also, I started back to library school after a semester off.  I took a research methods class and a school library administration class that required me to do volunteer hours every week in a school library.  It was a good experience but I'm pretty sure I won't be a school librarian, so I changed to an archives track as a result.

February:  Can't remember anything.

March:  Can't remember anything other than that I did send an email to my friend Kyle with whom I hadn't spoken in 10 years and he wrote back sometime in March. Oh, I also started a job babysitting my friend Amber's son, Michael.  Poor kid was dubbed "That Baby" by Leah, and we still call him "That Baby".  As in, "That Baby took my toy." or "That Baby is eating your shoe."  It was a tough adjustment.  And we started attending the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Fredericksburg.  I have long looked for a spiritual community, or really any community to belong to and it has been a real Godsend to me.  I've been taken in by a few of the older ladies in the church and recently did some volunteer work at a local soup kitchen, plus will be joining the choir in the new year and possibly the social action committee if time permits. 

Winston Theodore

April:  My nephew Winston was born on April 3.  We were getting nervous because Leah's an early April birthday girl, and I didn't want her to have to share her birthday.  Mercifully Winston popped out 5 days ahead of time.  He was a big baby, well over 9 pounds, and jowly.  He was supposed to be named Theodore, but we looked at him and I made a joke with my sister or she made a joke with me that he looked like Winston Churchill and that was the end of that.  His name was changed.  Of course, the Anglophile in me was thrilled.  Looking at this picture, it's hard to see the Winston there is now in that little newborn.

Leah and her party guests

Leah turned 4 in April.  We had a birthday party for her at the local bounce house park thingy with a bunch of her friends from school and the neighborhood.  She had a great time.  Mike missing that milestone was a punch in the gut.  I had reasoned with myself that he could miss my birthday, miss Christmas, miss his own birthday, but he would never miss Leah's birthday.  When he did, it was difficult. 

Additionally difficult was facing our wedding anniversary without him for the first time.  I was very fortunate that a friend was willing to take Leah for the weekend and I treated myself to a spa weekend.  A facial and hot stone massage, plus lots of bookstore time and dinner with a friend.  And I slept a lot.  But I suspect that could be said for much of 2013.

At the Texas History Museum

In April we also took our first trip to Texas to visit my aunt and uncle and to attend my friend Nancy's wedding.  We went to Austin and San Antonio and the Texas highlands to see the wildflowers.  Austin is a pretty awesome city and we had a great time.  It was nice to spend a week with my aunt and uncle and to see my cousin, whom I have not seen in probably 11 years. 

Nancy's wedding was beautiful and a whole lot of fun.  Leah ripped up the dance floor, as I suspected she would.  That kid has rhythm in her body I've only ever dreamed of.  Amazing.  She literally can't help herself when she hears music playing.

May:  In May we went down to Atlanta to see our friends Mike and Lesley.  We had planned the trip in advance, but it turned out that we flew down the day Lesley took the oath of citizenship, so it was fun to celebrate.  I'm happy Atlanta has another correct minded citizen in the voting booth, although she'll always be a bit Canadian to me.

Leah finished her first year of pre-school.  It was impossible to believe that the kid I sent there on a wing and a prayer turned into a very self-assured and confident and far more independent little being.  I was very grateful to her teachers and the church for giving her the year they did and it was a great blessing to me that I had a few mornings each week to try and do some things for myself.

Me, Franc, and Leah atop a mountain in Quito

June:  June was our first big expedition out of the country.  We spent 2 weeks in Ecuador, Colombia, and El Salvador.  We went to stay with a former exchange student my family had hosted in the 90's.  The first 5 or 6 days went fine, and then it was pretty clear after that that they were over us being there, and it was downhill from there.  I was extremely happy to go, Ecuador has some of the most amazing geography and landscape I have ever seen, in Colombia we saw the most incredible church I'd ever been to, we got treated very well by the medical community when Leah got sick, but I was happy to come home.  It was devastating on a personal level--I've lost my brother who I loved very much, but the wheels came off somehow and it just never was right.  So I just have to chalk that one up to experience.  One of the things I was most excited about was that I finally got to see the Pacific Ocean.  We stayed at a lovely resort in Mompiche and Leah and I spent about as much time on the beach as was humanly possible.  The only real downside was that my camera card bit the dust and I lost the first week's worth of pictures, which was a total downer.

On the way back, we had a huge layover in El Salvador and I booked us a tour.  San Salvador was an unexpected treat.  We had the most wonderful tour guide who took us around the city and I was blown away by the friendliness of El Salvadoreans, how lovely their country is, how good the food is, and the churches were amazing.  I was exhausted--our plane left Ecuador at 5AM so we were at the airport at 3AM, but it was a wonderful experience to go and see the country.  Pupusas forever! :D

El Salvador's equivalent of the White House

Kyle and I sitting at Al Capone's table at the Green Mill

July:  I spent 4 days in early July in Chicago visiting Kyle.  I was super nervous at first, and thought about just getting back on the next plane to DC and forgetting the whole thing, but I'm glad I didn't.  Those 10 years really dissolved and I had a wonderful time talking and listening and catching up and getting to see Chicago, which is one damned incredible city.  We watched Andy Murray win Wimbledon, we watched the Cubs win at Wrigley, we went to Al Capone's speakeasy, we went to the Art Institute and saw American Gothic and the Thorne Rooms, we ate the most glorious pie in the world at the Bang Bang Pie Shop, saw an 80's tribute hair band, went to Second City and most importantly, we saw Barenaked Ladies in concert.  I've been on a theatrical and musical tear this year (saw Les Mis twice and Mary Poppins), and the BNL concert was the impetus for my trip.  I last saw them when they came to Fredericksburg in 2011, and I just loved them all over again.  The closest I thought they were coming to DC was either Virginia Beach or Columbia MD, although it turned out I was wrong about that.  So going to Chicago to see them was just so fun.  The only bad thing about the trip was that I had forgone wearing my Crocs and my feet were in effing agony by the end of 4 days of pavement pounding.  When I got home, I didn't walk for a couple of days.  I had blisters the size of silver dollars.  YOUCH!  But I bid Chicago and Kyle farewell with the expectation that we would be together again given that during our Second City visit, we found out Dave Foley was coming in September and we made a pact to go.

I got back and just a few days later was July 12, the first anniversary of Mike's death.  I planned a memorial to commemorate him and the day and had only a few people show up, but we traded memories and stories and sent off balloons.  It was a nice evening.  Very poignant and sad, and brought up a lot of difficult thoughts about what had happened on that night.  But it is good to remember.  There was a time that night played over and over and over in my mind like a movie and I thought I would go mad if I had to see it again.  I'm grateful that the images have blurred softly a bit, it's a mercy.  but I'm also glad I wrote everything down at the suggestion of my counselor so that I don't have to forget all that happened and everything I did and sometimes I read it and it brings me some measure of peace to know that I did what I could.

"I hate you, Pat Monahan, your black t shirt is freaky"

At the end of July, we drove down to Charlotte NC to see Train, my second favorite band of all time, as well as finally catch up with the Little family, whom we had not seen in far too long.  I had gotten the VIP package and we were going to go backstage to meet Train.  The whole thing was pretty disorganized--I'm not sure if it was the venue that didn't have it together, if it was LiveNation, but it was a hot mess.  No one knew where exactly we were supposed to go, when we were supposed to meet up, etc. etc.  I was glad I called and went over to the amphitheater early because I had never gotten the email telling me when to show up for the backstage thing.  When we finally got where we were going, we were not listed on the VIP list, and so I gave the guy our tickets and he said, "Yes, you bought the right tickets, you're just not on my list."  So he let us backstage anyway.  And then when it was our turn to meet the band, Leah freaked out and climbed right up me and held on in terror (turns out she was afraid of Pat Monahan because he was wearing a black T-shirt).  The band tried to talk gently to her, and I tried to calm her down, but she was having none of it, so that was money out the window, I didn't even get to talk to the band.  ARGH!  Anyway, they invited Leah to come onstage since she was dressed as a mermaid, so we got a ticket to do that, and then the people in charge let me take her onstage, so not only did I go backstage, I actually went ONSTAGE.  That was quite a rush, let me tell you.  They turned the house lights on and you are surrounded by 15,000 screaming people, WOW.  Amazing.  It was a great night, even if my kid did totally lose it.  Seeing Lara and Brian was great and I couldn't get over how big Emma is getting--she's such a young lady now... Leah was alternately terrified and enthralled.

Flying kites at Breton Point

August:  We took our usual swing north to visit family.  We went to stay with my in laws for a few days and saw the Kosior family, which was lovely as usual.  I took Leah into Newport to see where Mike and I had gone to fly kites, where we always ate lunch, we walked the CliffWalk some, scampered around the rocks at Breton point.  As hard as it is to go to Breton Point, I did feel some measure of peace there.  Mike and I went there on our first date, we went many times thereafter, and I do associate it strongly with him and our history.  So it hurt and healed to bring Leah.  Every time I would get her kite in the air, she would bring the damned thing down.  Over and over and over again.  But she had a lot of fun.

Going to my dad's was good too.  He had entertained my sister and her family for a few days before we got there, so he was kind of over and done with having company by the time we arrived and I thought maybe we should go home early, but he insisted we stay.  We visited friends, took the cats to the vet, nothing to scream about but it is always nice to get home.
 

September:  Leah started 5 day preschool at St. George's.  I started back to library school.  I took a management class and a second level archives class.  Shit tons of work.  Exhausting.  Lost much hair and sleep over both classes.  Glad they are over.

Beautiful view of a wonderful city

I went back to Chicago in September to see Dave Foley at Second City with Kyle.  This was a weekend trip--Friday to Sunday.  Friday we went to a music festival where we saw Neko Case, whom I had never heard of but apparently every single one of my friends loves her and I thought she was great.  The highlight for me was Trampled by Turtles.  I thought they were super fun.  After that, we went to see Dave Foley.  All the reviews I read of his stand up act said he was a bitter drunk who bitches about his wife for 90 minutes.  That more or less held true.  Saturday morning we went to the Renegade Craft Festival which was way fun, and then we went to see them film T4--lots of cars and trucks racing down the street.  Wheee!  We have vowed to go see the movie together when it comes out.  I bet the footage we saw will wind up on the cutting room floor, but hopefully not.  We walked the Magnificent Mile and went to the top of the Hancock Tower, which as I've mentioned in previous posts is something of an obsession for me.  We saw the film Good Burger at the Logan Theater, which is one of the most fun things I've ever done.  I thought Kyle was a bit nuts when he suggested it, but it was so great.  Made me miss the 90s.  And ended the trip on Sunday morning with pie at my favorite pie shop--this time I had coconut cream that was TO. DIE. FOR.

October: I think it was in October I signed the final paperwork for my approved refi of my house.  And agreed to start paying for it.

My beach girl

We spent a week in Myrtle Beach, and my mother joined us.  The weather was still good and we spent lots of time riding waves, swimming, building sand castles.  Leah and I went up in the Myrtle Beach Skywheel.  We went and saw the Pirates dinner theater at Dolly Parton's place.  We took a dolphin cruise, played mini golf.  It was just a gorgeous week.  Again, it was littered with memories of Mike--that was our place to go and I think he and I went 7 times over the course of our relationship.  I had been dreading going without him, but it was so healing to go and enjoy the time and share stories and memories with Leah and make new memories with her. I'm so glad she's a beachy kind of gal like her mom.  That's going to make life easier in the future!

My Caliber was slowly dying and so I got a new car in October.  I went to Honda and had a hateful experience there--the manager was unwilling to make any sort of deal at all.  It was a shame, as I did fall in love with the Honda CRV and I really wanted it--the back up camera was mind-blowing.  But they didn't want to take an offer and even when I offered them a bit more later on, they were still unwilling to budge.  Their opinion was that I should either pay more, buy less of a car, or buy a used car.  So I said "Up yours, Honda".  And later on at one of the widows groups I attend, I spoke to another woman who was having to buy a car, and sure enough, she also went to Pohanka Honda and got dumped on.  I guess POHANKA HONDA HATES WIDOWS.  She was disappointed not to be able to buy a car there either, since she found a car she really liked, but again, the manager didn't want to give her the time of day, so she left.  My brother-in-law came down the following weekend and we went to Fredericksburg Kia.  I kind of fell in love a little bit with the salesman, a grandfatherly type, and he could have sold me just about anything.  I thought I wanted a Sportage, but instead I test drove a Kia Soul and I fell instantly in love with it.  So I bought it.  Cherry Red.  Her name is Christine.  I put a few odds and ends on the back and indulged in vanity plates.  So you'll know it's us when you see us coming:

MST3K, England, Books, and Me and My Girl.

And I have to say, I have no regrets about buying her.  I absolutely love this car.  She is fun and sporty and cute.  I gave my old car to my brother-in-law to help with his commute, but I think I gave him a lemon.  The alternator died, he's had a flat tire, two batteries, and apparently there have been dire warnings about the check engine light. I guess I unloaded it just in time.

Me before I went into The Strand

November:  I found out BNL was coming to DC so I went and saw them a second time.  They were just as awesome as they were in Chicago.  They sang some different songs, including "Sound of Your Voice", which is one of my top 5 of their songs and their live version is absolutely incredible, so I was THRILLED when they sang that one.  Most of November was filled with schoolwork.  My dad came for Thanksgiving.  We did our usual Alexandria Black Friday thing.  I started learning to sew.  I wrote my first literature review.  I cut my own hair.  I went to NYC and visited the Strand bookstore and the Empire State Building and saw Pippin.  It was pretty incredible.

I also took Leah to see the Fresh Beat Band in Fairfax.  We have kept in contact with Tommy Hobson from the band since we met them in September 2012 and when they announced they'd be doing another tour, I got us tickets and backstage passes.  I got in touch with Tommy and he offered to get us tickets, which was way nice of him, but I told him we were set.  I spent the morning of the concert making up little gifts for the band--they were so sweet when we met them last time and Tommy has been extremely supportive and sent Leah a little care package, so it was great.  I got them each a gift card and wrote each one a note, and then Leah gave them to them after the show.  We had a wonderful reunion--a zillion more hugs for me and Leah, lots of pictures, lots of updates, lots of questions.  They are genuinely four of the most awesome people I've ever met.  Kind, warm, and genuine.  I will be a fan for life.  I got a picture of them with Leah but then they felt I should get in the picture too, so I did.  And I love the resulting photograph.

Me, Leah, and the FBB: 4 nicest people you ever will meet

December:  The holidays and finishing school took up much of my time.  Leah has been home the vast majority of the time, as they had 2 stupid snow days for rain, and then she has 2 weeks off for Christmas vacation.  It has been difficult keeping her occupied.  She participated in our church Christmas pageant.  I participated in SRCS's annual Christmas concert, which was one of the most fun concerts I've sung in. I let Leah take the lead in our Christmas this year and it was a great deal of fun.  The most frustrating thing for me was going to see ICE! At the Gaylord National and spending 90 minutes to get there and 2 hours to get home, when we were at the display for only about 20 minutes.  Grrr. 

I had some difficult family issues which resulted in my being alone for Christmas for the first time.  This led to poor decision making on Christmas Eve, when I had an adult beverage.  I was bored, I was overly prepared for Christmas, and there was just nothing to do.  But I guess no serious harm was done.  Christmas morning was fun.  Leah came in to my room and wanted to know where Santa was--we had been tracking him on NORAD on Christmas Eve.  So we looked and found out he was in Hawaii.  She asked me if that meant he had been to our house yet, and I said she should go look.  She ran downstairs and saw her presents and yelled, "But Mama!  All I asked for was a tea set!"  I thought that was so hilarious.  She was really pleased with her new treasures and has had a great deal of fun playing with everything, including the new tea set, but maybe not as much fun picking up after herself.  Afterwards, I was fortunate that my friend Amber's family invited me to spend Christmas with them, and I really enjoyed it.  In many ways it was like being back home in New York.  The highlight was that Amber's Aunt Joyce bought me a pooping Santa as a gift.  I find that so hilarious.  He poops red and green candy.  Leah had a great time with it, and I feel like I'll treasure it for a lifetime!

Cuckoo in the front (more white) and Dodo in the back

The big operation involved our cats.  Sometime this fall, and I can't remember exactly when, we adopted two kittens, Cuckoo and Dodo.  I was determined that they would be indoor cats.  Following the spectacular failure of Violet and Nubsy, which resulted in them both being rehomed, I wanted two kittens who would get along and who would be good with Leah.  I struck gold with these girls.  They are beautiful, they get along great, they are very affectionate and they are great with Leah.  I love these cats.  December 21, we had a great day here in F'burg, it was sunny and 70 degrees and it was heaven.  I celebrated by sparking up the grill for dinner.  Well, it came around to dinner and for once, I didn't have cats swarming all over me and I thought, "That's odd!"  Then I realized that they probably got out while I had the door open.  I opened the back door up and Dodo shot in like a rocket.  I looked around in the shrubs for Cuckoo and there she was, being chased by a big, black SOB of a cat and she went up and over our fence and that was that.  Le Sigh.  I tried and tried to find her and get her back, but she was freaked out and gone and it was late.  For 4 days there was no sign of her.  On Christmas night, Leah was in bed, I had a fire going in the fireplace, and I heard a meow, and there she was at the backdoor.  I opened the door and she took off, she was scared.  So this touched off a 4 day cathunt.  We put fliers all over the neighborhood, registered her with the county and SPCA, the works.  And every night she would come back and every night if I went near the door, she would run away.  Finally I built a bunker on the floor of my dining room.  I did a live update feed on my Facebook each night, and it was so fun to hang out with my friends and see how excited they were getting and how excited I was getting.  The first night, I fell asleep and there was no sign of her and so I gave up.  But Sunday night, I was feeling lucky.  I hunkered down and waited, and sure enough, she showed up.  She ate a bit of tuna fish I had smeared into the patio under a homemade trap, sniffed around inside, and then allowed herself to come in.  I shut the door quick behind her, and of course she made it seem as if she had never left.  Grrr.  Stupid cat.  I took her to the vet today and she is of course fine, but is going on pre-emptory antibiotics and I'm having her spayed and microchipped in January.  God forbid she is pregnant, this will be the kitty equivalent of an abortion, but the vet was cool with it, and so am I.

Amazing cast of MST3K

Last night I went with my friends Cindy and Kris to see the last ever Cinematic Titanic live show.  Cinematic Titanic is an offshoot of Mystery Science Theater 3000, the TV show.  Instead of watching them on TV, you watch them riff the movie live on stage.  I've seen the live show twice in DC, always with my buddy Joe as our "we've been friends X number of years" date night, but my sister had never been.  So I bought 4 tickets, hoping to go with Joe, Judy, and I invited Kyle to come from Chicago.  My sister waffled on getting childcare to go, so I knew after a little bit that she absolutely was not going to go.  And Joe moved to Chicago.  I was facing going alone, and I just didn't feel confident about it--alone at night in a city I didn't know.  So I posted an appeal on Facebook--free tickets, free ride, free tolls in exchange for gas money, and Cindy and Kris said they would go with me.  We left Springfield around 2:15 and did pretty well as soon as we got past Baltimore.  I got a new GPS since my old one died and it took us right to the theater.  There was a Greek restaurant right there and we had a nice dinner which the ladies paid for, and then went to the show.  They did a meet and greet after the show, which the theater management totally effed up.  As a crowd, we all formed lines very nicely, but they didn't like the way the lines were and decided to 'reorganize.'  I was in the second line, but when they reorganized us, our section got sent behind 400 people who were nowhere near the front of the line.  I was like "Eff this" and I moved Cindy and Kris towards the end of the first line.  People were kind enough or just felt they didn't have a choice but to let us in, and we didn't have to get all the way in the back of the line, which probably would have lasted a couple of hours, and given that we had a 3 hour ride home, I wans't willing to do that.  So it worked out because I am pushy. I shook hands with each member of the cast, congratulated them on "retirement" and thanked them for the wonderful years of memories.  I got autographs on several different items, and that was pretty great too.  I got home at 4:30 this morning and for some reason I woke up at 9AM and couldn't go back to sleep.  I putzed around for a couple of hours before retrieving Leah and then she and I spent the day taking the cat to the vet, playing video games, working on crafts, yadda yadda.

So you've heard me talk about my two year bucket list.  I feel I should update where I am on that.

Of course I made a little album to put pictures and mementos in as I accomplish things.

Here is the list in order of how they appear and with notations to indicate what I have done and what I have left (supposed to be done by July 12, 2014):

1. Take Leah to meet Rapunzel - accomplished January 2013
2. Leave the country - accomplished June 2013
3. Reconnect with an old friend - accomplished March 2013
4. Meet the Band - accomplished July 2013, November 2013, and January 2014 (will go backstage to meet BNL!!!!!  SQUEEEEE!)
5. Get a haircut - accomplished July 2013
6. Enter a contest - accomplished July 2013, August 2013 with entries in the Fredericksburg Fair and Virginia State Fair
7. Go to England - TBA
8. Learn to Sew - accomplished November 2013
9. Make someone's life better - donated blood at some point this year, which counts, and have an appointment to donate again in January!  Also worked at and made food for the local soup kitchen, December 2013.  Some of my friends have also told me I've been an inspiration to them, which I really appreciated hearing and knowing, even if I don't think I'm all that inspiring.
10. Read for Fun Again - managed to read 11 books this year and started an Anglophiles book club to aid in this endeavor, which has been just great.
11. Bake a Cake from Scratch - TBA
12. Attend a Film Festival - TBA
13. See My Family - Accomplished April 2013
14. Get Lost in NYC at The Strand - Accomplished November 2013
15. Save Our Home - Accomplished Fall 2013
16. Be Creative - Accomplished all year with new craft ideas, studio, sewing, etc.
17. Share My Gifts - Accomplished December 2013, I offered free aromatherapy sacks to anyone who donated to the Norrie Disease Foundation; I baked for the neighbors and for the soup kitchen for the holidays
18. See the Pacific - Accomplished June 2013
19. Donate in Mike's Honor - Accomplished April 2013, I donated the full amount of the sound system for the SRCS spring concert
20. Make a New List - TBA

I only have 4 items left out of 20.  Going to England is a biggie, I really don't know when or how I'm going to manage that.  I also need to select a film festival to go to, but there aren't any right here, so that could also take some doing.  Building a new list is something I'll do next July, and baking a cake from scratch will happen sooner rather than later as I've been feeling very Betty Crockery with the holidays.I have 7 months left to do these 4 things, and I'm excited about it.  I don't know what will be on the next list.  But this one has done its job admirably.

So that is the long version of my year.  The short version is, like my Christmas card says, it's been a year of adventure and adjustment.  Being alone has not been easy, but I am starting to like it more and more.  I don't allow myself the luxury of thinking I will ever find another partner, but if I someday decide I want to, I hope I am able to find someone I can share my life with who is willing to do all these busy and fun things.  And introduce me to new things as well.  But I really am not even thinking about that at this point.  Or maybe I am, since I just wrote that!  I do like being single fine, though, much more than I thought I would.  It is the first time in my life I've been able to make my own decisions and not ask another person's opinions and take anyone else into consideration besides my daughter, and I find that very interesting and liberating.  I wish that Mike had not died, and there are genuinely no words that I can say to describe what an unspeakable tragedy his death was for many people.  But I know I am doing the best I can to carve out a new life for myself, and I am trying to be proud of myself every single day for my accomplishments, big and small.

 I should mention of significance, since I tend to get hung up on dates and such...  2013 was the first full calendar year I lived without Mike.  Sure, he's been gone 17+ months, but I have now survived a full calendar year on my own.  I find that significant.  It is hard to imagine.  

I'm not making any real resolutions for 2014.  My dad's girlfriend posted this on Facebook the other day:

Taking care of myself is probably a valid goal for next year.  I would like to make a quilt in the new year.  I would like to be happy, deep down soulful happy.  I have a wonderful community around me that seems dedicated to helping make that happen and for which I am so grateful.  And if you're reading this, you are probably one of them.  Thank you and see you in 2014.