2016 Top Ten

2016 has been a rough year.  On the grand scale, we lost Carrie Fisher and gained Donald Trump.  There's been all kinds of mayhem leading to Brexit, Black Lives Matter having to be a thing, insults slung around left and right, all kinds of craziness.  Closer to home, I've known people who have lost spouses and children and aunts and uncles and cousins and friends, people they love, and some of them have been people I've loved very much too.  I have a friend in prison for the first time, and a friend who lost a toe and a friend who nearly died of a most unexpected heart attack.  I was laid off from a job I loved with coworkers I really respected and cared about doing work that actually mattered.  I got another job working for another agency with other people I really liked and cared about, only to be laid off just before Christmas.  I've had dear friends I really loved and respected decide they didn't want to be part of my life anymore, and that hurt so, so much.  At the start of the year, I was one of two people chosen to be guardians to two little girls who lost their mother, who was a dear friend of mine, and the other family was chosen to raise them, which broke my heart.

So yeah, it's been a rough one.

But it has also been a really beautiful year.  And I got lazy this year and didn't write out a Christmas newsletter, so maybe you didn't know all these things going on. 

So in deference to David Letterman's famous Top 10 lists, I decided to sit down and think about what I am most grateful for happening this year.  Because I've had it pretty good in many ways.  So here are The Top Ten Reasons Susan Is Grateful to Have Been Alive in 2016.  In no particular order...

10.  Celebrity Fun

This year, I got to do three amazing meet and greets with celebrities.  The joy I felt afterwards from meeting these people was foolish.  I grinned for days and days and days.  The first two both happened in June and they both happened in Philadelphia, which is kind of fun, and in each case, I had a great sidekick by my side.

First, I went to my first convention this year, that being Wizard Con in Philadelphia.  I sweet talked my college BFF Joe into coming out for the event after hearing David Duchovny and cast members of the X Files would be there, and so we had great plans and were able to follow through. I couldn't help but rib him a bit after he made plans and signed us up to meet not only David Duchovy, but also William B. Davis who plays uber-villain Cancer Man (of whom Joe is terrified, but who is really a sweet man), and Mitch Pileggi who plays Skinner, the FBI director.  We had such an amazing time!  Our smiles in the pictures really say it all.

Mini Scully still lives proudly in my kitchen in the original packaging, as directed by Joe, so nothing happens to her, and Joe and I still are talking about our adventure and when The X Files will be back and what we thought of the 6 episode arc that came on this year (also a high point!).  It was an amazing day.  Not to mention I got a picture with a Storm Trooper, we got to see Billy Boyd in person, played some games, and ate the most incredible steamed buns at a ramen restaurant--I am seriously still dreaming about them.

A couple of weeks later, I took my sister to see Barenaked Ladies for her birthday present.  I got us VIP passes so we could go backstage and she could finally meet Kevin Hearn, her favorite member of the band.  We saw them the week before when they came to Wolf Trap, and then drove up to Philly for a day.  It was  a great day anyway, as we discovered Philly's Polish neighborhood and ate some amazing Polish food and wandered shops and streets filled with people who looked a lot like us.  Then we went to the concert and backstage and had an awesome experience talking with the band.  In the end, I was able to tell Ed Robertson what the band and their music had come to mean to me, and got not one, but two hugs from him, which was pretty darned incredible.The band isn't doing meet-and-greets this year, but we'll probably still take in a show or three because there really isn't anyone better, as far as I'm concerned.  I've lost track of how many times I've seen them in concert, but I don't have much intention of quitting. :)

For a couple of years now, my friend Andy and I have been wanting to go see Philip Phillips in concert.  The timing was never right on his other tours, but this year, we discovered he was going to Wolf Trap, so we decided to go check it out.  There were a couple of opening acts, most notably one called Great Big World, who I had never heard of before.  But I really, really liked their music (in fact, they were better than Philip Phillips in my humble opinion when all was said and done) and we were having a great time when the guys from the band announced they'd be doing a meet-and-greet up at the merchandise station after they were done performing.  I asked Andy did he want to go, and told him we'd be telling my grandchildren about this, so up we went.  It was a total mob scene, but Andy said he would put our fate into my able hands as a seasoned meet-and-greeter, so I waded into the crowd of teens and tweens waiting for a chance to meet their idols and we had to wait less than an hour to meet Ian and Chad.  They were so kind and friendly and it was really a lot of fun to meet them, especially not knowing who they were.  Haha.  I even told them I had never heard of them, which they thought was awesome (#stupidstuffyousaytocelebswhenyourenervous)

It was an unexpected bonus and such a treat. My cousin's reaction on Facebook the next day was priceless...  Ha!  And in doing some research about them, it turned out I had heard of at least one of their songs, which was pretty cool, and they are Grammy winners, which is cool too.  Rubbing elbows with the big names!

9.  Friends

I am truly blessed (and this comes from a largely secular person) with the friends in my life.  They bless me with their presence and with their beauty and goodness and trust and reliability every single day.  I have friends who bring me soup and ginger ale when I'm sick, I have friends who drop me a text for no particular reason that always seems to come when I'm having a down moment, I have friends who listen to me when I need it, I have friends who are up for adventure, I have friends who are far away and who are right across town and they are all here for me all the time.  Last year, I identified several people who were more acquaintances than friends who I wanted to move into the "good friends" category, if that makes sense, and I spent time systematically working my way through my own mental processes to become friends with those people.  I'm so pleased that they responded in friendship and I've added them to my inner circle.  There are people with whom I agree on nothing politically, but we came through the election cycle with our relationships in tact.  I'm in a local game group, have made new friends at the UU, it's amazing how people come into my life from various quarters, but I'll take them! :) I feel unworthy of people's friendships and affection so often, even though people tell me all the time how glad they are for my friendship and my presence in their lives, and it's almost foolish how grateful I am and full my life feels because of all these different people in my life. Thank you.

One of my friend highlights of 2016:  Mike and Lesley came to visit and I got to meet their new children <3

Friends got together for a little birthday party for me in August.  What a wonderful surprise!

8.  The Holiday Season

The holiday season is always a mixed bag for me.  It magnifies my single-ness and what I've lost, and of course there is the stress of the season financially, activity-wise, making sure everything is just right.  When I lost my job in August, my Christmas Club was cashed out and returned to me, but I wound up using it to pay for Leah's vision therapy, so I was nervous about giving the girls a good Christmas.  Happily, I was re-employed in a month's time and was able to provide the girls with a good Christmas morning with lots of presents under the tree.  But more importantly, we had a really great holiday season in general.  It was full of concerts and Christmas lights, and cookies and friends and music and movies and quiet moments and light peeping and joy.  To be sure, I had my Sarah MacLachlan evening where I laid in the basement with Wintersong on repeat, crying my eyes out, but instead of a week of that, it was one night, and I was back at it.  We were given wonderful gifts from friends and family near and far, enjoyed parties, and the new Wii has been on non-stop since it was unpacked.  We have no fewer than 3 New Year's parties we've been invited to, all happily on different days, up from a total of ZERO the past few years, and I just feel so lucky and happy this December, a new and different feeling from holidays past.  Healing?  Maybe I have.  Or maybe I'm just looking at things differently.  Either way, I'll take it.

7.  Family

My family made it through another year.  We've had our ups and downs, but everyone is in good health and we are all hanging in there.  My parents are getting older, my sister is getting crazier, all the kids are getting bigger, my in-laws are still hanging in, but we're surviving and thriving.  Some highlights have been Mike's sister Paula coming to Fredericksburg for a visit, the aforementioned trip to Philly with my sister, hilarious Skype conversations in which my dad is fighting the twin forces of an uncooperative camera and his crazy cats, all of us being together for Thanksgiving, and my mom and Craig rescuing me from certain roadside doom when I had a flat tire.  Not to mention taking my nephew William to DinosaurLand (where he developed an instant fascination with, of all things, King Kong), my niece to the Roller Derby where she learned a valuable life lesson about falling down and getting back up, and my nephew Winston harrassing me at every turn over the bounce house.

6.  Two Weeks in Europe

We had the incredible opportunity this year to spend two weeks in Belgium with Ine and her family.  I think most everyone knows, but out of the blue two years ago, we were asked to host Ine as an AFS student who needed a home and we jumped at the chance after some shrewd negotiating with a local private school since our public school refuses to admit exchange students.  After a year at home, we were invited to come to Belgium and Ine's parents Hilde and Johan gave us the most fabulous vacation ever to thank us for our generosity and hospitality towards Ine.  I honestly have never been a party to anything like it. I think we saw almost all of Belgium, amazing artwork, great food, all kinds of geography from mountains to oceans, cities, the countryside, we stood in three countries at once, went to see Cirque du Soleil for the first time, carriage rides, boat rides, train rides, car rides, you name it, we did it.  I was also happy to be able to take Leah on two day trips, one to London and one to Paris, per our own choice.  Leah wanted to go to Paris in the worst way and stay in a fancy hotel, so we spent a day on top of the Eiffel Tower, viewing the Barbie Exhibit at the Musee des Arts Decoratif, eating at little cafes, taking naps, and using my rusty French to get around the city as best we could.  In London, I finished up the few things I had wanted to do by walking across Tower Bridge, climbing up into St. Paul's Cathedral, showing Leah where the real queen lives, and getting absolutely dumped on by English rain.  It was so wonderful to see and do so much, but mostly to be reunited with Ine and get to know her amazing parents.  I'll never forget it as long as I live.

Posing for pictures while Leah acts as photographer--me with Hilde, Johan, and Ine, our Belgian relations, at the beach

Just before crossing Tower Bridge--a highlight of my summer

Paris, Toujours

5.  Children

I've been so lucky that so many people this year have given me their children to love and to trust.  As I mentioned earlier this year, I was in a position to take in two children, but that fell apart.  I started classes afterwards to adopt a waiting child from foster care, but the agency changed trainings and stopped returning my messages, so I assumed I wasn't a good candidate (I got an email two weeks ago asking if I was still interested, which I am not at present), so my heart was broken by two failed attempts at enlarging our family.  But then I started appreciating the people all around me and their children who give me hugs and trust and love, and I realized I have so much in my life that it's ok that my dreams of a larger family never worked out.  From my 'nephew' Michael who runs screaming to me every time he sees me to The Bup who casually strolls into my house every week and lets me know exactly what activities we'll be doing that particular visit to my nieces and nephews to my beautiful AFS kids (more on that later) including Dipthi and Claudia to the children who stayed with us from Matsiko to Leah's friends who have gone on adventures with us, I've been entrusted with children of all shapes and shades and sizes and colors, and I feel so lucky to be a part of their lives.  I look forward to watching them all grow and take on the world--I know they're going to.

4.  The UU

Almost four years ago now, I discovered the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Fredericskburg.  I was looking for a place to go and get away from my life for a little while, but I have discovered a vibrant and exciting community of people I truly love and respect.  I gush about them a lot, and I gush about life at the fellowship a lot, and I'm not sorry.  My association there has been life-changing, literally.  I love serving as a worship associate, singing with the choir, I've been a speaker twice this year--once as the main speaker and once in regards to what being a member means to me, I've served on the RE committee, I started a women's book club this year, I've taken classes and learned so much, participated in potlucks and contests, and this year, I have offered and given items into the service auction, which has led to two amazing events at our house--an afternoon tea for a marvelous group of women and a Halloween murder mystery party for a super group of talented people who got to stretch their acting chops and have some fun.  Coming up we have two more events and then I'm done for the year, but it has been so much fun planning and organizing and celebrating.  People are warm and welcoming me into their homes and lives for parties and fun things and we have also gotten to do some volunteer work and had some folks come to the house for needed repairs.  All in all, it's been incredible.  I hope to continue on there for some time to come.

3.  Personal growth and development

When I turned 40 in 2015, a friend told me the blessing of turning 40 is that you no longer have to care about the little crap that plagues you when you're younger.  It's true. I've started turning down invitations to things I don't want to go to, I've stopped talking to toxic people in my life without worrying (too much) about hurting their feelings, I've stopped doing stuff that doesn't make my happy, and I've quit worrying about things I really can't do anything about.  I've also made a serious effort at being less judgmental, more grateful, happier, and accepting, not only of other people, but of myself.  I've learned so much as a gastric sleeve patient about body acceptance, I got a lot out of counseling from healing the wounds of the past, I've been spending less time on line, I've developed new interests, worked hard to be accepted and admired professionally, and worked on boosting my self confidence.  Some of this has come from having a 16 year old life coach move into the house (more on this later), but some has just come from age and wisdom and experience and perspective I simply didn't have before.  I like who I am now in ways I never could have before this moment in my life.  I'll take it, 2016.  Thanks!

2.  Astrid

yes, I'm wearing lipstick, just one of many changes

I spent a fair amount of time licking my wounds after our last AFS student didn't work out.  I felt sad that we hadn't connected, sad that she hadn't enjoyed being part of our family, sad that we hadn't enjoyed having her be a part of our family.  I thought I wouldn't host again, and I thought AFS wouldn't let me host again, but as a volunteer with AFS, I was able to read incoming applications and think about them and consider hosting.  I hadn't much given consideration to any of them beyond "it would be nice to have this particular kid in Virginia" until I ran across an application by a glamorous looking 15 year old from Denmark.  I read her application, I looked at her pictures, I read what her parents had to say, and it was like a bolt from the blue, smacking me in the head saying "THIS ONE, YOU IDIOT."  I knew immediately she was the one, so I put her on hold and nervously approached our area team leader and requested to host Astrid.  It has honestly been one of the best decisions of my entire life.  Astrid is the most amazing kid, and she has jumped into life in the US and in our family with both feet.  My blog about her is more or less a rundown of our monthly activities, but there is so much more to her and to our lives with her that I can't even begin to contain in written form.  Astrid has blown in like a tornado.  She has upended my thinking about my life and what I deserve and what I can have as a future, she has challenged Leah who I see a HUGE difference in in terms of her willingness to be assertive and stand up for herself, she has made us laugh and cry, and vice versa.  I feel old around her sometimes (I hate almost all of the music she listens to, something I swore would never happen to me when I got older.  I also don't understand half of what she's saying due to the slang the kids use today, but I just pretend), and I feel so much younger around her at other times.  She is sassy and sweet and hilarious and thought-provoking and just an amazing kid.  I'm sorry, Peter and Therese, you can't have her back.  She's here to stay. <3

1.  Leah

I know you all know I love my daughter.  All of us who are parents know we can't possibly express the depth of emotion that love takes.  There is literally no putting into words the feelings I have for this kid.  Even on our worst days when I'm sure we want to strangle each other, the love I have for her is without measure or expression.  She is literally my life and my sunshine and my reason for living.  She makes me so proud.  This year has been a really great year for her in so many ways.  Unlike our previous international travel experience when she was but 4 years old, this year she really proved her ability to travel and travel well.  We discovered in May, after years of being told that she is delayed in school and struggling, that in fact, she has an eye condition that makes reading very, very difficult for her from a physical perspective, not a mental perspective.  This fall, she started vision therapy, thanks in part to generous help from my parents, and she is doing really well.  She has a big, beautiful heart as demonstrated by her work in the soup kitchen at St. George's, and her willingness to help out cooking and playing with other children at the Respite House at Micah Ministries.  She is open to having other people in our lives, as demonstrated by her constant desire to host "host students" like Astrid and Ruth and Handful.  She is bossy and loves having younger children around that she can run ragged and who love her attentions and energy, as witnessed by the adoration heaped upon her by Michael and The Bup.  She has her own sense of style--more than one person has come up to me to tell me how they love watching her make up choices, her fashion choices from week to week at the UU and beyond.  She has quite a crew on the bus to school now, and has started making friends in her class--for the first two years at elementary school, she's only had one friend.  I love her little friend Carlie, but am also glad she is branching out a bit.  She is sweet and sassy and everything I could ask of her to be and more.  I'm so lucky to be her mom, and I love her more than anything.

I could add a couple of other items here, but all in all, this is a most satisfying list.  I'm not one on making resolutions--easily made and easily broken--but I have some goals for the coming year that I feel confident I'll be able to continue on an upwards trajectory.  Thank you for being part of our lives in 2016, and I hope you'll still be in 2017!  Love to you all, and good health and bounty for the year ahead.