Lots of Happenings!

I start every blog post with "It's been a while", but indeed, it has again been a while.  Life has been CRAZY.  So here's the latest:

1.  Leah starts kindergarten tomorrow.  I'd like to say more about that, but my heart is absolutely breaking into a million little pieces and I can't stop crying about it.  I'm trying to toughen up a bit, but this is going to take some getting used to, to say the least.

2.  I had my gastric sleeve done on August 12.  So far, I've lost 41 pounds.  I'm so proud of that fact, I can't even tell you.  I'm not going to blog about it.  There are plenty of blogs out there that do that.  I don't want to be an educator or an inspirer--if you want to do it, do it.  It is much, much harder than I ever thought it would be, and after it was done, I had a serious bout of buyer's remorse and depression.  But seeing my progress, I do have to say I'm proud of what I've done and I'm glad to keep seeing the numbers go down.  No regrets.  And I haven't had any complications to speak of, which is awesome.  The hardest part is sticking to a firm schedule.  I finally set up 15 separate alarms on my phone so I know when to do what.

3.  We are hosting an exchange student from Belgium!  Her name is Ine.  We are hosting her through AFS USA, my 8th hosting experience with them.  She arrives in the US on September 8th and I think we should be able to pick her up on September10th.  I am flying to London 24 hours later, so I will get to know her when I get back, but she's cool about it.  AFS gets its jollies when host families blog about their exchange experiences, so I'm setting up a blog at ourbelgianstudent.blogspot.com if you want to follow our experience.  Our blog about hosting Penny was a big hit, so I'm hoping that this one will be helpful too.  As a host mom, I love reading blogs from other people who have hosted students from the same country.  It's helpful in so many ways.

4.  I'm back to school as well.  I'm probably already messing up the semester--we started last week and I've had time to check in exactly once.  But hey!  Leah starts school tomorrow (sniffle) and then I can get cracking.  It's going to be a challenging and interesting semester, I can already tell.

5.  I'm going to London.  Next week.  I'm glad I was talked into it.  Even though it's not the greatest time ever for me to go, I'm excited.  Because.  England.  And even though it's 2 months late, I'll be done with my 2 year bucket list.

6.  Our garbage disposal died.  I was glad my father was here to help negotiate the price.  Plumbers are crooks.  I'm sure there are good ones, but the ones we were dealing with were crazy.  So we went to Lowe's and for 1/4 the price, I'm getting a new disposal installed either tomorrow or Wednesday.

7.  Lesley came to visit and we went to Delaware to see the Downton Abbey costume display.  It was incredible.  I hope to go back before it closes.

So I guess that's all the news that's fit to print.  Happy back to school time for everyone and we will see you on my next post!

An Evening and a Love Affair with Barenaked Ladies

I am friends with music people.  Serious music people.  People who know all kinds of obscure tunes, who post YouTube videos of old music shows and videos I've never heard of.  I have several friends who are DJ's, many who think the best thing to do with their weekends is to go to a show or a festival or a record store.  I admire them all.  I admire their passion for music.  I have discovered a lot of new music through them.  But by and large, to me, music is just more noise in my environment.  I really don't listen to ANYTHING, given much of a chance.  It is the introvert's curse.  I last really paid attention to music in the late 90's, when Savage Garden was still together, Rob Thomas was not yet taking it solo but just chillin' with Matchbox 20, when Train had 1 little hit and called it a day.  About 4 years ago, when we had teenagers in the house, I had no choice but to brush up on more current music, and rediscovered Train, in addition to some other music that I have to say is not half bad, even if it's the most commercial pop available.  I have fond memories of listening to Kelly Clarkson and Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift and Cee Lo Green with Penny.  But by and large, when I left my teens behind, I more or less said Adios! to music beyond what I already liked.  I've kept up with my favorites however, and none more so than my all time favorite band, Barenaked Ladies.

I discovered them in the late 90's when I was working at summer camp after college and, like everyone else, we are all singing If I Had a Million Dollars.  The CD didn't belong to me, it was the camp director's, so I didn't really listen to it all that much as she had other things she wanted to hear.  If I had to fault myself for something musically, it's that when I hear a song I like, I never really go on and listen to anything else the artist does beyond their big hits.  I know exactly one Gotye song.  I know maybe 3 or 4 Lady Gaga songs, yadda yadda.  So I just didn't much bother listening to anything by BNL until a few years later when my sister brought home their "All Their Greatest Hits1991-2001" CD.  And I was totally hooked.  There wasn't a single song on there I didn't love.  If I'm being honest, I think I even stole the CD.

Still, it took a while until I got to see them in concert for the first time.  With the release of Barenaked Ladies Are Me in 2006, they went on tour and came to the Patriot Center in Fairfax, Virginia.  My friend Heather got tickets and 4 of us went, including my sister, and it was my first time seeing BNL in concert.  Steven Page was still with the band and it was magical.  Hearing the songs live, singing them with friends, it all had so much more meaning and just took things to a new level.  We sang for days after that concert.  It was awesome.

In 2011, they came to Celebrate Virginia Live here in Fredericksburg, and I got tickets to that show for me, my sister, Heather, and our new exchange student, Kristin.  Kristin was not terribly impressed, a modern teenager through and through, but for the other three of us it was incredible.  We got "gold level" seating, which at CVL means you can pay to enter into preferred seating and sit anywhere (it cost all of $25!  What a bargain!).  We got second or third row seats, dead center, and it was amazing.  Steven Page had left the band by then and we were all wondering what it would be like without him.  But my friend Emily summed it up succinctly, "Didn't need him."  Although that's probably a bit blunt, and there are times that I do miss his voice on their albums, I have to say, BNL has managed to forge ahead without him as a very strong musical force.

So fast forward to 2013, my life has changed dramatically, and I am really trying to figure some shit out while mainly acting like Brian Wilson (without the drugs and alcohol), and up pops Grinning Streak.  And there seemed to be a lot of songs on the album that spoke to me in the midst of my predicament.  I really took the time to listen to it on my own, and ignored what my friends were saying for the first little bit, formed my own preferences for my favorite songs.  Grinning Streak just came along at the right moment for me.  It was the right album at the right time.

With it came the announcement of the Last Summer on Earth tour.  Initially I didn't see much about DC on there--BNL was going to Columbia, MD (I didn't want to go up there) and then they were going to Virginia Beach, but it was as part of a music festival and I didn't very much feel like doing that either.  So I invited myself to Chicago to see them and in July that's precisely what I did.  It was a significant event in that it was just before the anniversary or Mike's death and the album was really helping me cope with that, but it was also part of re-connecting with Kyle, and he is a music guy, so it was fun to go to the concert with him.  The fans there were awesome--I sat next to a guy for whom this was his 10th BNL concert in a very short amount of time, and every time BNL strummed an opening chord, this guy would throw his arms in the air and scream, no matter what song was playing.  He was really, really nice.  Despite the fact that my feet hurt and it was hot and I didn't especially want to sing and make an idiot of myself in front of Kyle, I just had a blast at that concert.  It was such a great atmosphere (seriously, the midwest is awesome), such a great show, such great music, such great company.  It had been long enough that I hadn't seen BNL in concert that I kind of rediscovered how awesome they were.  They had a British comedian, Boothby Graffoe, open for them, as well as Ben Folds, and that was great.  There was just nothing bad about it.

I got home and I lived off that high for a month or two.  Then I looked at the tour again and discovered Washington DC was added in November.  I called my sister up and asked her if she wanted to go, which of course she did, so I got us tickets and within 3 or 4 days, we were going to see them in DC.  It was one of those serendipitous moments when I happened to catch the tour on time and whatnot, and I started to kind of get into the cult of BNL.  We had dinner at a restaurant across the street from the theater and it was packed to the rafters with BNL fans.  There was one man, maybe 10-15 years older than me, who was really freaking out because the service was slow and he didn't want to miss the show, and we got talking and just really a nice guy despite being a little high strung.  But you kind of find these fellow fans and it all kind of clicks.  I am finding it pretty rare now when I talk to someone for whom it's their first time at a BNL show.  And you listen to people's stories and what the music means to them, and the shows, and it's just incredible.

So that show was great, we called my friend Melissa  in the middle of it because she is a diehard "Odds Are" fan and when they played that song, we recorded it into her voice mail, which made her happy.  And I really thought that would be the end of it.  Somewhere in this time, I started following BNL on Twitter, and although I really, really, REALLY wanted to go over to the UK for their tour there, I didn't.  And then they announced their Canadian tour 2014.  I looked over the list of where they were going to be and spied Kingston.  And it occurred to me that Kingston is not too, too far away from my dad's house.  So I called my dad and said, "Dad!!!  Are you busy the last week in January?  And can we go to Kingston?" and his answer was no and yes respectively, so I told him I wanted to go to the BNL show and he was kind of iffy about it but said he'd go.  They had VIP packages available, so I snapped them up for him, me, Leah, and his girlfriend.  Last week was The Day.  I was so, so so excited.  I had a hard time deciding what I wanted to bring to have autographed, I had a hard time deciding what I wanted to wear, what I wanted to say, how it was going to go...  And I started to pray that no one would wear black.

Because, you see, last summer, we also went backstage to meet Train, my second favorite band, and Leah FREAKED OUT because they were wearing black and she is apparently terrified of people wearing black.  So that was money down the drain!  She climbed up and wrapped herself around my neck so I couldn't breathe or speak, and nothing the band said and nothing I said made any difference.

So, Thursday, we left Dad's around 2:30.  His girlfriend couldn't go due to her chemotherapy schedule and I had been unsuccessful at selling her ticket for the show or even giving it to any number of my friends.  So I just had the thought, "Tonight you can use the extra to make someone's life a little bit better" and I figured the right person would present themselves in some way that I would know to give them a pass.

We got to Kingston and I was on a mission for a while to find some Canadian stuff that I never did manage to find.  We had dinner and headed over to the K Rock Center, and no problem whatsoever--we were in the system, they gave us the passes and we were in.  (This is stark contrast to my experience with LiveNation at the Train concert--I never received my initial email and only with the sheerest of luck did I go over to the concert venue early and discover the meet n greet group, because no one at the venue itself had any idea of what was going on for the VIPs!).  And going to a concert in Canada is a totally different experience, let me also say that.  When I took Leah to see the Fresh Beat Band in November, my bags were searched and I was sent packing with my iPad, and told I couldn't have it with me.  In contrast, the guy manning the door at the KRock center didn't even seem all that concerned that I had a huge tote bag with me full of "stuff", I wasn't searched at all, and they barely glanced at our tickets.  Everyone was unfailingly polite, friendly, and completely unconcerned that I might set off a dirty bomb.  It was eye opening and refreshing.  A reminder of a saner time, it reinforced my growing love affair with Canada.

Me and Leah with Emma from England

So we went over to the VIP area and waited, Dad walked Leah around the center to burn off some energy and at 7 on the dot, we were met by the tour manager and he was prepared to take us 'backstage.'  As we were heading out, I saw a group of 3 ladies next to us and two of them were going backstage and one was not--she said goodbye to her friends and told them to have fun.  I asked her if she didn't have a pass and she did not, so I asked her if she would like one.  She said, "Are you serious?!" and in a perfect little English accent no less.  So I said yes, and I gave her Linda's pass and we walked backstage together.  It turned out she was visiting Orlando, FL from England and had come up to Kingston to visit her friends who were going to the BNL concert.  I asked her if she had seen them before and she said she went to every single show they did in the UK.  I was sure to tell her how totally jealous I was of her.  :)  So it just worked out perfectly that I was able to give her the pass--I got a little English culture and she was a lovely person and it really made me so happy.  She said she would buy me a drink later if I found her, but given that I don't drink, I told her I'd be happy with a photograph for my scrapbook and she happily obliged.  It was just right.  It really was the icing on the cake of my evening.

We were taken to a little area that was cordoned off from the main corridor of the arena.  We were still in the hallway, just behind a beverage cart, sectioned off only by a black curtain.  It was explained to us that the band would come out and stand in front of one section of the curtain, and each "group" would go up and have a group picture taken by the official photographer and then we could break into small groups and the band would come around do autographs and take individual pictures with each of us.  The band came out and everyone applauded, and then my first thought was, "Oh shit."  Because Ed Robertson was wearing a black t-shirt exactly like the one Pat Monahan had been wearing in Charlotte.  Well, there was nothing to do about it, except to wait and see what was going to happen.  On the plus side, I had let Leah bring her stuffed llama with her, which she got as a Christmas present from my dad, so I hoped that might be enough to keep her calm.

So we all formed a queue and each group sure enough got up there and got there picture taken.  When it was our turn, my dad said, "C'mon, Kate, let's get in there."  He was carrying Leah's coat under one arm, and as he stepped forward, Ed said, "You know, sir, if you would just put that little pink coat on, you wouldn't have to carry it."  HAHAHAHA  Then they made the appropriate comments over Leah's llama, which set her at ease, so she wasn't screaming and freaking out and she actually stood for a picture! Hooray!

Now little did I know, my dad had it in his head that BNL was somehow going to offend or insult me or Leah, and he was totally loaded for bear.  You can see he has one arm protectively on my shoulder, totally ready to push Kevin the hell away. But as we walked off, he made the comment, "Hmmm, a nice group of young men." 

So off we went to a different side of the room and after all the groups had their picture taken, sure enough, they split up and came around.  We first met Kevin, and he is easily the quietest so it was a brief encounter.  I had brought a box of Kraft dinner and some boomerangs to have autographed--Boomerang is probably my favorite song on Grinning Streak, and I thought the Kraft dinner and the llama went nicely together.  I was feeling way shy and I didn't have much to say to him and, "My sister's madly in love with you and would probably sell her three children into slavery if you just say yes" didn't seem appropriate.  But Leah, as you can see, picked up the slack nicely :)  And he was very, very nice.  Probably scared of my dad!

Next up was Tyler, and he was awesome too.  I still felt nervous to say much, so I didn't, but he talked to Leah about the llama and signed all our stuff and was really nice and kind.  My dad manned the camera and took actually pretty good shots--we all kept our heads and no one got cut off, so I was very proud of him.  I imagined Tyler would be the easiest to talk to, given that he's so outgoing and a bit crazy on stage, but I was just literally in awe of being around these people, so I just let Leah do the talking.  And she was utterly nonplussed.  See the llama sticking up in the bottom of this picture?  Yeah, she was all about "Look at my llama, mister!"

And then, Ed came over.  Glorious.  I finally had the good sense to ask for a posed photograph with him, and asked him a few things, I don't really remember what.  He asked Leah what her name was, how old she was, and about her llama (and yes, they really do pronounce it lam-uh, not law-muh) and then I asked him for the picture and he was happy to do so, and put his arm right around me, so I put mine around him.  I probably said some crazy shit, I really don't even remember, but I did notice that he sounded kind of sick.  And I was thinking "Well that sucks!" And then it was over.  I thought of a million things I should have said afterwards, but in the heat of the moment, I just froze.  So there you have it.

Finally, Jim came over and him I could actually talk to!!!  Hooray!!!  I always enjoy watching him on stage and told him so, and told him about the other concerts I'd been to in the past few months.  We got talking a bit about Chicago and I said, "remember how it was about 9,000 degrees out there?" and he remembered it very well, but said it was a really fun show to do.  So I asked him for a picture as well and sure enough, he was happy to do it.  And I wished him well on the show and off he went.

It was a really nice backstage experience--15 or 20 minutes, got time with each member of the band, Leah didn't flip out, my dad didn't kill anyone, it was a lot of fun.  So after they all left, we went out and got our seats and listened to Clara Venice and Ladies of the Canyon, the two opening acts, then in fairly short order, the familiar strains of Limits came on and the show started.  The crowd started out pretty tame--a few other people and I jumped out of our seats to dance to Brian Wilson, but they were playing a few slow numbers and Ed did in fact say he had something going on with his throat and he had to take a quick shot of something between each song.  Eventually quite a crowd formed in front of the stage, and unlike Fredericksburg, where we were booted back to our seats, the security there was unimpressed and let us dance to our hearts content, which is what Leah asked me if she could do, so I took her up there.  She was quite a hit!  She was dancing her patoot off, and Jim noticed and played a bit closer to her (she has since declared that he is her favorite.)  Well, she was such a hit in fact that a lady next to us picked her up and tried to put her on stage. This was where security finally drew the line, but they just came over and yelled "no, no, no!" and as soon as Leah's feet were back on the ground, they disappeared again.  And really, Leah wanted NO part of it--she said it scared her.  Still, I don't know too many 4 year olds who can say they were onstage with Train (she was one of the mermaids selected to go onstage during that concert) AND Barenaked Ladies.  :-)

Eventually she wanted to go lay down near my dad, and I had brought ear protectors for her because she cried a lot at the Train concert and I thought she would feel better if she could have peace and quiet.  Sure enough she popped them on and fell asleep.  By the end, everyone was on their feet, even Dad, and cheering and screaming and having a great time.  They did one encore, which Tyler did to preserve Ed's voice, but he has such awesome presence that everyone just went nuts.  It was so much fun!

So what did Dad think?  From his Facebook:

It was a great night for all of us.  We got home around 1AM, even though Dad was so excited he did 80MPH part of the way home.  It was hard to fall asleep, so I checked out the rest of their 2014 tour dates around Canada, but nothing was where it would be terribly easy to get to.  (Not that this is stopping me, mind you!)  The current BNL Twitter statuses are full of scans of Ed's vocal chords, so it's looking like they're taking whatever it is pretty seriously.  Still, I'll keep monitoring the tour listings and I'll just keep on going.  I've been 5 times now, and every single show has been so fun and so different, I can't imagine I won't want to continue.  Meeting fellow fans is as much fun as meeting the band, and I just really, really have enjoyed it, and converting my dad to a fan is an added bonus.  Seeing them in Canada was also really fun!  It was so laid back and cool.  BNL Forever!

Bakin' A Cake From Scratch

As I mentioned in my last post, one of the four final things on my bucket list was to bake a cake from scratch.  I've made shortcakes and such in the past, but I wanted to bake a layer cake.  A few years ago, there was an episode of Throwdown with Bobby Flay that my friend, Amy, watched--I never saw it myself.  But it was a coconut cake throwdown in Charleston SC.  And coconut cake and coconut pie are my favorites.  (By the by, if you ever find yourself in Chicago when Bang Bang Pie Shop is making its coconut pie, RUN to get a piece, it is to die for.)  Anyway, I don't know much about Bobby Flay, but I decided long ago that if ever I made a coconut cake myself, it was going to be this one, as it is supposed to be the ultimate.  (Having not seen the episode, I don't know if he won or lost the challenge, but the idea is, according to the Food Network website, "Chef Bobby Flay is on a secret mission: to challenge the absolute masters in different kinds of cooking – award-winning BBQers, bakers, pizza makers and more. In each episode, one of these cooks thinks Food Network is shooting their profile for a show. What they don't know is that Bobby is going to drop in for a surprise visit and challenge them to an unexpected cook-off. Since they're in their element and Bobby's out of his, prepare for an exciting, tension-filled competition."

So yesterday was the Downton Abbey premiere, and I decided I would tackle this coconut cake for my traditional little tea party I throw myself each season to celebrate its return to television.  I went to the store Saturday and what I needed (I had to go back on Sunday to get more butter--this recipe needs well over a pound of butter) and after church Sunday, I commenced with making this cake.  Now, prior to starting, I hadn't read the recipe over much other than the ingredient list so I was a little chagrined to find out that it was going to require 6 1/2 hours of my time (I mean, c'mon this is like a 30 minute TV show, and that includes commercials, right!?), especially given that yesterday was Leah's BFF's birthday party.  So I decided to just do what I could before the party and do the rest when we got home, which given that some parts of it required sitting for 4 hours or refrigerating for 2 turned out to be a good choice.  First step was making coconut flavored simple syrup, which was nothing more than boiling a bit of sugar and water and then tossing some coconut in there and letting it sit.  No big deal at all.

I also had to toast some coconut.  The directions were easy, but I was pretty sure I was going to burn it, and that there was no way it was going to work.  But sure enough, it came out just fine.  I even mis-read the directions and left it in the oven an extra 15 minutes and nothing bad happened.

By now, Leah knew something was afoot, so she decided to get involved.  So I included her in making the custard.  Leah LOVES whisking things, and so making custard is right up her alley.  We separated the eggs and then Leah asked if she could do the "frizzling".  I have no idea why on earth she calls whisking frizzling, she even calls a whisk a frizzler, and she happily frizzled away while I heated up the milks.  She also has a great deal more patience than I do, and I swear, when she was done, it was a beautiful thing, so beautifully and thoroughly mixed, I couldn't believe a 4 year old had done it.  I should have taken a picture when it was finished instead of when she started.

My little sous chef

Anyway, there she is sporting the chef hat she got from her grandparents for Christmas.  They sent her a matching apron as well, but she chooses to wear that as a cape and won't wear it for cooking!

We combined our warm milk slowly to temper the eggs and then cooked the whole thing into a beautiful custard.  I was RIGHT on the edge of overcooking it--once it thickened, it thickened quickly.  So if you try this, that is something to beware of.  But by the end of the cooking process, we had a beautiful, yellow custard flecked with vanilla bean seeds.

So then we took a 2 hour break to go to the party and when we came back, we had to bake the actual cake.  This was the part that I was most fixated on, figuring baking a cake would be very challenging.  But really, it was no big deal.  The worst of it was that I mixed up the wet ingredients, and then I was supposed to use the mixer to mix the dry ingredients and butter, but I hadn't read that far ahead. So I had to pour the wet ingredients into a measuring cup, mix up the flour and butter and whatnot, and then slowly add in the wet.  But the batter came together quite easily.  One thing I had to change was that I only used half a vanilla bean, because at $6 per bean, I was only buying one of them.  Half went in the custard and half went in the cake.  So I bumped up the amount of vanilla extract in hopes of compensating.  Secondly, I didn't have 9 inch pans, only 8 inch pans.  So I had to bump up the baking time an extra 10 minutes or so.  I also didn't bother with parchment paper on the pans.  I just greased and floured the hell out of them.  The cakes popped right out.

For some reason, I didn't take a picture of the cakes when they came out of the oven.  I drained the coconut out of the simple syrup and boiled it down some more.  I probably did too much boiling, because by the time I remembered what I was doing, there wasn't too much left, but there was enough for what I needed!

Anyway, after that was done, I had to wash the mixer bowl yet again (my mixer got quite a work out yesterday) and make the filling, which was some of the custard plus heavy cream mixed together.  I probably should have done it a bit longer, as it was pretty loose, but it tasted incredible.  So then I sliced up the cakes in half, smeared the cut sides with the simple syrup, and put custard between the layers for 3 layers in all.

Then I washed the bowl again and made the buttercream.  Unfortunately, although the recipe said the butter should be slightly cold, mine was too cold, and it didn't blend very well with the limited amount of sugar that was called for.  I should have stopped there and let it get a little bit warmer, but I plunged ahead and put the rest of the coconut custard in, and the butter just made wee little butter lumps all through the frosting.  I was not going to make more custard, but I was a little disappointed, so I let it sit out for an hour while I got Leah ready for bed, and then I mixed it again.  The phone rang, it was my dad, and so we chatted, and of course, immediately my friend Andy arrived to watch Downton with me and enjoy tea.  So three things going on at once!  My dad and I agreed to talk the next day, and so Andy and I jabbered while I frosted the cake and pressed the dried coconut onto it.  And voila!  We had coconut cake!

In case you're wondering, I started baking at around 12 noon and finished the cake at 8:45pm.  Interruptions included lunch, birthday party, phone calls, dinner, bedtime for kid.  

So, since the cake had to sit a little while, Andy and I exercised great restraint.  We had our tea first.  I broke out my London mugs, which I'd been waiting for an occasion to use, and I had made curry chicken salad for sandwiches, and caesar salad as a side.  Andy brought fruit.  we set the whole thing up on my daughter's train table to make it extra classy.

It was a lovely meal, although we both admitted to overdoing it on the initial portion, but we bravely soldiered through and ate cake nonetheless.

I got out the good china for the occasion

The cake is a very good cake.  You'll hear no argument from me about that.  Is it the ultimate coconut cake?  I don't know.  Was it worth the time and effort?  I don't know.  Odds are pretty good that I am never going to make it again.  Our local Wegmans makes a delightful coconut cake and in a pinch Pepperidge Farm coconut cake is good too.  So it's a good cake, but it was also very expensive and probably not worth the pay out.  If you have access to a decent coconut cake, skip this and just buy one.

On the other hand, it was a perfect reason to have Andy over and it did match nicely with Downton Abbey and tea. 

It's gotten me thinking about other Food Network recipes.  I think I might try some of the hardest ones listed.  This was really not very difficult.  I imagine maybe someone who isn't totally at ease in the kitchen would have difficulty with tempering the eggs for the custard, but other than that, it was just time consuming, not hard.  One down, three to go.

2013 Round Up

New Year's Eve and in the great tradition of many of my friends, I'm sitting here considering life in the past year and looking ahead to life in the new year.  There are huge chunks of time this year that I honestly can't remember.  I'll do a quick sort of monthly thing and then a few key moments and then a look ahead.


January:  I remember that we did the 3 Kings dinner in January.  We had over 40 people crammed into the house, something like 13 of  whom were children under 10.  It was getting convoluted.  We had extra people involved this year--my mom was here and helped with cooking, a few friends came to arrange tables and set them and decorate.  I really felt out of it.  I made the resolution not to sit in the kitchen this year--somehow every year I wind up sitting at the end of the table that juts into the kitchen and I miss visiting with everyone.  But sure enough, I was in the kitchen again this year.  But I like the kitchen people.  So it was all good.

Leah and Cinderella

I don't remember anything else until the end of the month when I took Leah to DisneyWorld for a week.  We stopped off en route at our friends Russell and Amy's house, where Amy and I had a tea party and watched Downton Abbey (Lady Sybill died and I was distraught--her death brought up some unwelcome memories for me.)  We spent 4 days in the parks, one each at Animal Kingdom (meh) and EPCOT and two at The Magic Kingdom.  The big thrills for Leah were swimming in the pool at the resort and meeting the princesses.  Her favorite ride was The Haunted Mansion, and I will never, ever as long as I live forget her dragging me onto the goddamned Astro Orbiter, where I cried, screamed, and cursed.  I must have put on quite a show because I got a smattering of applause when I got off the thing, and I will never set foot on it again.  Leah also enjoyed the boat ride at The Land in EPCOT. We packed lots of PB&J and the resort sent her a Rapunzel doll and balloons as their special guest, which I thought was pretty stinking awesome.

I'm pretty sure we might also have gone to my dad's because we usually do, but I don't honestly remember if we did or not.  I feel like I covered NY to Florida in January, but I can't say for sure.  Also, I started back to library school after a semester off.  I took a research methods class and a school library administration class that required me to do volunteer hours every week in a school library.  It was a good experience but I'm pretty sure I won't be a school librarian, so I changed to an archives track as a result.

February:  Can't remember anything.

March:  Can't remember anything other than that I did send an email to my friend Kyle with whom I hadn't spoken in 10 years and he wrote back sometime in March. Oh, I also started a job babysitting my friend Amber's son, Michael.  Poor kid was dubbed "That Baby" by Leah, and we still call him "That Baby".  As in, "That Baby took my toy." or "That Baby is eating your shoe."  It was a tough adjustment.  And we started attending the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Fredericksburg.  I have long looked for a spiritual community, or really any community to belong to and it has been a real Godsend to me.  I've been taken in by a few of the older ladies in the church and recently did some volunteer work at a local soup kitchen, plus will be joining the choir in the new year and possibly the social action committee if time permits. 

Winston Theodore

April:  My nephew Winston was born on April 3.  We were getting nervous because Leah's an early April birthday girl, and I didn't want her to have to share her birthday.  Mercifully Winston popped out 5 days ahead of time.  He was a big baby, well over 9 pounds, and jowly.  He was supposed to be named Theodore, but we looked at him and I made a joke with my sister or she made a joke with me that he looked like Winston Churchill and that was the end of that.  His name was changed.  Of course, the Anglophile in me was thrilled.  Looking at this picture, it's hard to see the Winston there is now in that little newborn.

Leah and her party guests

Leah turned 4 in April.  We had a birthday party for her at the local bounce house park thingy with a bunch of her friends from school and the neighborhood.  She had a great time.  Mike missing that milestone was a punch in the gut.  I had reasoned with myself that he could miss my birthday, miss Christmas, miss his own birthday, but he would never miss Leah's birthday.  When he did, it was difficult. 

Additionally difficult was facing our wedding anniversary without him for the first time.  I was very fortunate that a friend was willing to take Leah for the weekend and I treated myself to a spa weekend.  A facial and hot stone massage, plus lots of bookstore time and dinner with a friend.  And I slept a lot.  But I suspect that could be said for much of 2013.

At the Texas History Museum

In April we also took our first trip to Texas to visit my aunt and uncle and to attend my friend Nancy's wedding.  We went to Austin and San Antonio and the Texas highlands to see the wildflowers.  Austin is a pretty awesome city and we had a great time.  It was nice to spend a week with my aunt and uncle and to see my cousin, whom I have not seen in probably 11 years. 

Nancy's wedding was beautiful and a whole lot of fun.  Leah ripped up the dance floor, as I suspected she would.  That kid has rhythm in her body I've only ever dreamed of.  Amazing.  She literally can't help herself when she hears music playing.

May:  In May we went down to Atlanta to see our friends Mike and Lesley.  We had planned the trip in advance, but it turned out that we flew down the day Lesley took the oath of citizenship, so it was fun to celebrate.  I'm happy Atlanta has another correct minded citizen in the voting booth, although she'll always be a bit Canadian to me.

Leah finished her first year of pre-school.  It was impossible to believe that the kid I sent there on a wing and a prayer turned into a very self-assured and confident and far more independent little being.  I was very grateful to her teachers and the church for giving her the year they did and it was a great blessing to me that I had a few mornings each week to try and do some things for myself.

Me, Franc, and Leah atop a mountain in Quito

June:  June was our first big expedition out of the country.  We spent 2 weeks in Ecuador, Colombia, and El Salvador.  We went to stay with a former exchange student my family had hosted in the 90's.  The first 5 or 6 days went fine, and then it was pretty clear after that that they were over us being there, and it was downhill from there.  I was extremely happy to go, Ecuador has some of the most amazing geography and landscape I have ever seen, in Colombia we saw the most incredible church I'd ever been to, we got treated very well by the medical community when Leah got sick, but I was happy to come home.  It was devastating on a personal level--I've lost my brother who I loved very much, but the wheels came off somehow and it just never was right.  So I just have to chalk that one up to experience.  One of the things I was most excited about was that I finally got to see the Pacific Ocean.  We stayed at a lovely resort in Mompiche and Leah and I spent about as much time on the beach as was humanly possible.  The only real downside was that my camera card bit the dust and I lost the first week's worth of pictures, which was a total downer.

On the way back, we had a huge layover in El Salvador and I booked us a tour.  San Salvador was an unexpected treat.  We had the most wonderful tour guide who took us around the city and I was blown away by the friendliness of El Salvadoreans, how lovely their country is, how good the food is, and the churches were amazing.  I was exhausted--our plane left Ecuador at 5AM so we were at the airport at 3AM, but it was a wonderful experience to go and see the country.  Pupusas forever! :D

El Salvador's equivalent of the White House

Kyle and I sitting at Al Capone's table at the Green Mill

July:  I spent 4 days in early July in Chicago visiting Kyle.  I was super nervous at first, and thought about just getting back on the next plane to DC and forgetting the whole thing, but I'm glad I didn't.  Those 10 years really dissolved and I had a wonderful time talking and listening and catching up and getting to see Chicago, which is one damned incredible city.  We watched Andy Murray win Wimbledon, we watched the Cubs win at Wrigley, we went to Al Capone's speakeasy, we went to the Art Institute and saw American Gothic and the Thorne Rooms, we ate the most glorious pie in the world at the Bang Bang Pie Shop, saw an 80's tribute hair band, went to Second City and most importantly, we saw Barenaked Ladies in concert.  I've been on a theatrical and musical tear this year (saw Les Mis twice and Mary Poppins), and the BNL concert was the impetus for my trip.  I last saw them when they came to Fredericksburg in 2011, and I just loved them all over again.  The closest I thought they were coming to DC was either Virginia Beach or Columbia MD, although it turned out I was wrong about that.  So going to Chicago to see them was just so fun.  The only bad thing about the trip was that I had forgone wearing my Crocs and my feet were in effing agony by the end of 4 days of pavement pounding.  When I got home, I didn't walk for a couple of days.  I had blisters the size of silver dollars.  YOUCH!  But I bid Chicago and Kyle farewell with the expectation that we would be together again given that during our Second City visit, we found out Dave Foley was coming in September and we made a pact to go.

I got back and just a few days later was July 12, the first anniversary of Mike's death.  I planned a memorial to commemorate him and the day and had only a few people show up, but we traded memories and stories and sent off balloons.  It was a nice evening.  Very poignant and sad, and brought up a lot of difficult thoughts about what had happened on that night.  But it is good to remember.  There was a time that night played over and over and over in my mind like a movie and I thought I would go mad if I had to see it again.  I'm grateful that the images have blurred softly a bit, it's a mercy.  but I'm also glad I wrote everything down at the suggestion of my counselor so that I don't have to forget all that happened and everything I did and sometimes I read it and it brings me some measure of peace to know that I did what I could.

"I hate you, Pat Monahan, your black t shirt is freaky"

At the end of July, we drove down to Charlotte NC to see Train, my second favorite band of all time, as well as finally catch up with the Little family, whom we had not seen in far too long.  I had gotten the VIP package and we were going to go backstage to meet Train.  The whole thing was pretty disorganized--I'm not sure if it was the venue that didn't have it together, if it was LiveNation, but it was a hot mess.  No one knew where exactly we were supposed to go, when we were supposed to meet up, etc. etc.  I was glad I called and went over to the amphitheater early because I had never gotten the email telling me when to show up for the backstage thing.  When we finally got where we were going, we were not listed on the VIP list, and so I gave the guy our tickets and he said, "Yes, you bought the right tickets, you're just not on my list."  So he let us backstage anyway.  And then when it was our turn to meet the band, Leah freaked out and climbed right up me and held on in terror (turns out she was afraid of Pat Monahan because he was wearing a black T-shirt).  The band tried to talk gently to her, and I tried to calm her down, but she was having none of it, so that was money out the window, I didn't even get to talk to the band.  ARGH!  Anyway, they invited Leah to come onstage since she was dressed as a mermaid, so we got a ticket to do that, and then the people in charge let me take her onstage, so not only did I go backstage, I actually went ONSTAGE.  That was quite a rush, let me tell you.  They turned the house lights on and you are surrounded by 15,000 screaming people, WOW.  Amazing.  It was a great night, even if my kid did totally lose it.  Seeing Lara and Brian was great and I couldn't get over how big Emma is getting--she's such a young lady now... Leah was alternately terrified and enthralled.

Flying kites at Breton Point

August:  We took our usual swing north to visit family.  We went to stay with my in laws for a few days and saw the Kosior family, which was lovely as usual.  I took Leah into Newport to see where Mike and I had gone to fly kites, where we always ate lunch, we walked the CliffWalk some, scampered around the rocks at Breton point.  As hard as it is to go to Breton Point, I did feel some measure of peace there.  Mike and I went there on our first date, we went many times thereafter, and I do associate it strongly with him and our history.  So it hurt and healed to bring Leah.  Every time I would get her kite in the air, she would bring the damned thing down.  Over and over and over again.  But she had a lot of fun.

Going to my dad's was good too.  He had entertained my sister and her family for a few days before we got there, so he was kind of over and done with having company by the time we arrived and I thought maybe we should go home early, but he insisted we stay.  We visited friends, took the cats to the vet, nothing to scream about but it is always nice to get home.
 

September:  Leah started 5 day preschool at St. George's.  I started back to library school.  I took a management class and a second level archives class.  Shit tons of work.  Exhausting.  Lost much hair and sleep over both classes.  Glad they are over.

Beautiful view of a wonderful city

I went back to Chicago in September to see Dave Foley at Second City with Kyle.  This was a weekend trip--Friday to Sunday.  Friday we went to a music festival where we saw Neko Case, whom I had never heard of but apparently every single one of my friends loves her and I thought she was great.  The highlight for me was Trampled by Turtles.  I thought they were super fun.  After that, we went to see Dave Foley.  All the reviews I read of his stand up act said he was a bitter drunk who bitches about his wife for 90 minutes.  That more or less held true.  Saturday morning we went to the Renegade Craft Festival which was way fun, and then we went to see them film T4--lots of cars and trucks racing down the street.  Wheee!  We have vowed to go see the movie together when it comes out.  I bet the footage we saw will wind up on the cutting room floor, but hopefully not.  We walked the Magnificent Mile and went to the top of the Hancock Tower, which as I've mentioned in previous posts is something of an obsession for me.  We saw the film Good Burger at the Logan Theater, which is one of the most fun things I've ever done.  I thought Kyle was a bit nuts when he suggested it, but it was so great.  Made me miss the 90s.  And ended the trip on Sunday morning with pie at my favorite pie shop--this time I had coconut cream that was TO. DIE. FOR.

October: I think it was in October I signed the final paperwork for my approved refi of my house.  And agreed to start paying for it.

My beach girl

We spent a week in Myrtle Beach, and my mother joined us.  The weather was still good and we spent lots of time riding waves, swimming, building sand castles.  Leah and I went up in the Myrtle Beach Skywheel.  We went and saw the Pirates dinner theater at Dolly Parton's place.  We took a dolphin cruise, played mini golf.  It was just a gorgeous week.  Again, it was littered with memories of Mike--that was our place to go and I think he and I went 7 times over the course of our relationship.  I had been dreading going without him, but it was so healing to go and enjoy the time and share stories and memories with Leah and make new memories with her. I'm so glad she's a beachy kind of gal like her mom.  That's going to make life easier in the future!

My Caliber was slowly dying and so I got a new car in October.  I went to Honda and had a hateful experience there--the manager was unwilling to make any sort of deal at all.  It was a shame, as I did fall in love with the Honda CRV and I really wanted it--the back up camera was mind-blowing.  But they didn't want to take an offer and even when I offered them a bit more later on, they were still unwilling to budge.  Their opinion was that I should either pay more, buy less of a car, or buy a used car.  So I said "Up yours, Honda".  And later on at one of the widows groups I attend, I spoke to another woman who was having to buy a car, and sure enough, she also went to Pohanka Honda and got dumped on.  I guess POHANKA HONDA HATES WIDOWS.  She was disappointed not to be able to buy a car there either, since she found a car she really liked, but again, the manager didn't want to give her the time of day, so she left.  My brother-in-law came down the following weekend and we went to Fredericksburg Kia.  I kind of fell in love a little bit with the salesman, a grandfatherly type, and he could have sold me just about anything.  I thought I wanted a Sportage, but instead I test drove a Kia Soul and I fell instantly in love with it.  So I bought it.  Cherry Red.  Her name is Christine.  I put a few odds and ends on the back and indulged in vanity plates.  So you'll know it's us when you see us coming:

MST3K, England, Books, and Me and My Girl.

And I have to say, I have no regrets about buying her.  I absolutely love this car.  She is fun and sporty and cute.  I gave my old car to my brother-in-law to help with his commute, but I think I gave him a lemon.  The alternator died, he's had a flat tire, two batteries, and apparently there have been dire warnings about the check engine light. I guess I unloaded it just in time.

Me before I went into The Strand

November:  I found out BNL was coming to DC so I went and saw them a second time.  They were just as awesome as they were in Chicago.  They sang some different songs, including "Sound of Your Voice", which is one of my top 5 of their songs and their live version is absolutely incredible, so I was THRILLED when they sang that one.  Most of November was filled with schoolwork.  My dad came for Thanksgiving.  We did our usual Alexandria Black Friday thing.  I started learning to sew.  I wrote my first literature review.  I cut my own hair.  I went to NYC and visited the Strand bookstore and the Empire State Building and saw Pippin.  It was pretty incredible.

I also took Leah to see the Fresh Beat Band in Fairfax.  We have kept in contact with Tommy Hobson from the band since we met them in September 2012 and when they announced they'd be doing another tour, I got us tickets and backstage passes.  I got in touch with Tommy and he offered to get us tickets, which was way nice of him, but I told him we were set.  I spent the morning of the concert making up little gifts for the band--they were so sweet when we met them last time and Tommy has been extremely supportive and sent Leah a little care package, so it was great.  I got them each a gift card and wrote each one a note, and then Leah gave them to them after the show.  We had a wonderful reunion--a zillion more hugs for me and Leah, lots of pictures, lots of updates, lots of questions.  They are genuinely four of the most awesome people I've ever met.  Kind, warm, and genuine.  I will be a fan for life.  I got a picture of them with Leah but then they felt I should get in the picture too, so I did.  And I love the resulting photograph.

Me, Leah, and the FBB: 4 nicest people you ever will meet

December:  The holidays and finishing school took up much of my time.  Leah has been home the vast majority of the time, as they had 2 stupid snow days for rain, and then she has 2 weeks off for Christmas vacation.  It has been difficult keeping her occupied.  She participated in our church Christmas pageant.  I participated in SRCS's annual Christmas concert, which was one of the most fun concerts I've sung in. I let Leah take the lead in our Christmas this year and it was a great deal of fun.  The most frustrating thing for me was going to see ICE! At the Gaylord National and spending 90 minutes to get there and 2 hours to get home, when we were at the display for only about 20 minutes.  Grrr. 

I had some difficult family issues which resulted in my being alone for Christmas for the first time.  This led to poor decision making on Christmas Eve, when I had an adult beverage.  I was bored, I was overly prepared for Christmas, and there was just nothing to do.  But I guess no serious harm was done.  Christmas morning was fun.  Leah came in to my room and wanted to know where Santa was--we had been tracking him on NORAD on Christmas Eve.  So we looked and found out he was in Hawaii.  She asked me if that meant he had been to our house yet, and I said she should go look.  She ran downstairs and saw her presents and yelled, "But Mama!  All I asked for was a tea set!"  I thought that was so hilarious.  She was really pleased with her new treasures and has had a great deal of fun playing with everything, including the new tea set, but maybe not as much fun picking up after herself.  Afterwards, I was fortunate that my friend Amber's family invited me to spend Christmas with them, and I really enjoyed it.  In many ways it was like being back home in New York.  The highlight was that Amber's Aunt Joyce bought me a pooping Santa as a gift.  I find that so hilarious.  He poops red and green candy.  Leah had a great time with it, and I feel like I'll treasure it for a lifetime!

Cuckoo in the front (more white) and Dodo in the back

The big operation involved our cats.  Sometime this fall, and I can't remember exactly when, we adopted two kittens, Cuckoo and Dodo.  I was determined that they would be indoor cats.  Following the spectacular failure of Violet and Nubsy, which resulted in them both being rehomed, I wanted two kittens who would get along and who would be good with Leah.  I struck gold with these girls.  They are beautiful, they get along great, they are very affectionate and they are great with Leah.  I love these cats.  December 21, we had a great day here in F'burg, it was sunny and 70 degrees and it was heaven.  I celebrated by sparking up the grill for dinner.  Well, it came around to dinner and for once, I didn't have cats swarming all over me and I thought, "That's odd!"  Then I realized that they probably got out while I had the door open.  I opened the back door up and Dodo shot in like a rocket.  I looked around in the shrubs for Cuckoo and there she was, being chased by a big, black SOB of a cat and she went up and over our fence and that was that.  Le Sigh.  I tried and tried to find her and get her back, but she was freaked out and gone and it was late.  For 4 days there was no sign of her.  On Christmas night, Leah was in bed, I had a fire going in the fireplace, and I heard a meow, and there she was at the backdoor.  I opened the door and she took off, she was scared.  So this touched off a 4 day cathunt.  We put fliers all over the neighborhood, registered her with the county and SPCA, the works.  And every night she would come back and every night if I went near the door, she would run away.  Finally I built a bunker on the floor of my dining room.  I did a live update feed on my Facebook each night, and it was so fun to hang out with my friends and see how excited they were getting and how excited I was getting.  The first night, I fell asleep and there was no sign of her and so I gave up.  But Sunday night, I was feeling lucky.  I hunkered down and waited, and sure enough, she showed up.  She ate a bit of tuna fish I had smeared into the patio under a homemade trap, sniffed around inside, and then allowed herself to come in.  I shut the door quick behind her, and of course she made it seem as if she had never left.  Grrr.  Stupid cat.  I took her to the vet today and she is of course fine, but is going on pre-emptory antibiotics and I'm having her spayed and microchipped in January.  God forbid she is pregnant, this will be the kitty equivalent of an abortion, but the vet was cool with it, and so am I.

Amazing cast of MST3K

Last night I went with my friends Cindy and Kris to see the last ever Cinematic Titanic live show.  Cinematic Titanic is an offshoot of Mystery Science Theater 3000, the TV show.  Instead of watching them on TV, you watch them riff the movie live on stage.  I've seen the live show twice in DC, always with my buddy Joe as our "we've been friends X number of years" date night, but my sister had never been.  So I bought 4 tickets, hoping to go with Joe, Judy, and I invited Kyle to come from Chicago.  My sister waffled on getting childcare to go, so I knew after a little bit that she absolutely was not going to go.  And Joe moved to Chicago.  I was facing going alone, and I just didn't feel confident about it--alone at night in a city I didn't know.  So I posted an appeal on Facebook--free tickets, free ride, free tolls in exchange for gas money, and Cindy and Kris said they would go with me.  We left Springfield around 2:15 and did pretty well as soon as we got past Baltimore.  I got a new GPS since my old one died and it took us right to the theater.  There was a Greek restaurant right there and we had a nice dinner which the ladies paid for, and then went to the show.  They did a meet and greet after the show, which the theater management totally effed up.  As a crowd, we all formed lines very nicely, but they didn't like the way the lines were and decided to 'reorganize.'  I was in the second line, but when they reorganized us, our section got sent behind 400 people who were nowhere near the front of the line.  I was like "Eff this" and I moved Cindy and Kris towards the end of the first line.  People were kind enough or just felt they didn't have a choice but to let us in, and we didn't have to get all the way in the back of the line, which probably would have lasted a couple of hours, and given that we had a 3 hour ride home, I wans't willing to do that.  So it worked out because I am pushy. I shook hands with each member of the cast, congratulated them on "retirement" and thanked them for the wonderful years of memories.  I got autographs on several different items, and that was pretty great too.  I got home at 4:30 this morning and for some reason I woke up at 9AM and couldn't go back to sleep.  I putzed around for a couple of hours before retrieving Leah and then she and I spent the day taking the cat to the vet, playing video games, working on crafts, yadda yadda.

So you've heard me talk about my two year bucket list.  I feel I should update where I am on that.

Of course I made a little album to put pictures and mementos in as I accomplish things.

Here is the list in order of how they appear and with notations to indicate what I have done and what I have left (supposed to be done by July 12, 2014):

1. Take Leah to meet Rapunzel - accomplished January 2013
2. Leave the country - accomplished June 2013
3. Reconnect with an old friend - accomplished March 2013
4. Meet the Band - accomplished July 2013, November 2013, and January 2014 (will go backstage to meet BNL!!!!!  SQUEEEEE!)
5. Get a haircut - accomplished July 2013
6. Enter a contest - accomplished July 2013, August 2013 with entries in the Fredericksburg Fair and Virginia State Fair
7. Go to England - TBA
8. Learn to Sew - accomplished November 2013
9. Make someone's life better - donated blood at some point this year, which counts, and have an appointment to donate again in January!  Also worked at and made food for the local soup kitchen, December 2013.  Some of my friends have also told me I've been an inspiration to them, which I really appreciated hearing and knowing, even if I don't think I'm all that inspiring.
10. Read for Fun Again - managed to read 11 books this year and started an Anglophiles book club to aid in this endeavor, which has been just great.
11. Bake a Cake from Scratch - TBA
12. Attend a Film Festival - TBA
13. See My Family - Accomplished April 2013
14. Get Lost in NYC at The Strand - Accomplished November 2013
15. Save Our Home - Accomplished Fall 2013
16. Be Creative - Accomplished all year with new craft ideas, studio, sewing, etc.
17. Share My Gifts - Accomplished December 2013, I offered free aromatherapy sacks to anyone who donated to the Norrie Disease Foundation; I baked for the neighbors and for the soup kitchen for the holidays
18. See the Pacific - Accomplished June 2013
19. Donate in Mike's Honor - Accomplished April 2013, I donated the full amount of the sound system for the SRCS spring concert
20. Make a New List - TBA

I only have 4 items left out of 20.  Going to England is a biggie, I really don't know when or how I'm going to manage that.  I also need to select a film festival to go to, but there aren't any right here, so that could also take some doing.  Building a new list is something I'll do next July, and baking a cake from scratch will happen sooner rather than later as I've been feeling very Betty Crockery with the holidays.I have 7 months left to do these 4 things, and I'm excited about it.  I don't know what will be on the next list.  But this one has done its job admirably.

So that is the long version of my year.  The short version is, like my Christmas card says, it's been a year of adventure and adjustment.  Being alone has not been easy, but I am starting to like it more and more.  I don't allow myself the luxury of thinking I will ever find another partner, but if I someday decide I want to, I hope I am able to find someone I can share my life with who is willing to do all these busy and fun things.  And introduce me to new things as well.  But I really am not even thinking about that at this point.  Or maybe I am, since I just wrote that!  I do like being single fine, though, much more than I thought I would.  It is the first time in my life I've been able to make my own decisions and not ask another person's opinions and take anyone else into consideration besides my daughter, and I find that very interesting and liberating.  I wish that Mike had not died, and there are genuinely no words that I can say to describe what an unspeakable tragedy his death was for many people.  But I know I am doing the best I can to carve out a new life for myself, and I am trying to be proud of myself every single day for my accomplishments, big and small.

 I should mention of significance, since I tend to get hung up on dates and such...  2013 was the first full calendar year I lived without Mike.  Sure, he's been gone 17+ months, but I have now survived a full calendar year on my own.  I find that significant.  It is hard to imagine.  

I'm not making any real resolutions for 2014.  My dad's girlfriend posted this on Facebook the other day:

Taking care of myself is probably a valid goal for next year.  I would like to make a quilt in the new year.  I would like to be happy, deep down soulful happy.  I have a wonderful community around me that seems dedicated to helping make that happen and for which I am so grateful.  And if you're reading this, you are probably one of them.  Thank you and see you in 2014.

NYC: What Is It About You?

So yesterday was my big trip to New York.  I'd been planning it a while, and Friday sat down with a couple of BuzzFeed Lists to put the finishing touches on the culinary portion of my little tour.  Initially my plan was to go to the Strand Bookstore (http://www.strandbooks.com) and get lost for an entire day in the stacks.  Then I heard, and I don't know how I missed this but I did, that Pippin had been revived on Broadway.  Pippin is, without question, my all time favorite musical.  So I knew I had to go see that.  Then I got thinking about other NY things I hadn't done, and one of them was going to the top of the Empire State Building.  So I tossed that on the list, and my plans for the day were complete.

I spent Friday night at Melissa's, as she was watching Leah for the day so I could go on my trip.  It was her usual monthly time to get Leah anyway, so I just planned to go then anyway.  I had a hard time sleeping--I was REALLY excited, so I woke up at 1, sure I'd missed the alarm and and again at 3:30.  At 3:30 I stayed awake.  When the alarm went off at 4, I got up and quickly got dressed, then headed to Union Station.  I got there about 4:45 and the train left at 5:25, so I didn't have to wait too long.

When I took Penny to NY back in the day, we discovered The Quiet Car.  There is no talking, no cell phone use, nothing in The Quiet Car.  I got into a car that wasn't the quiet car at first, and there were a couple of people behind me talking and laughing, so when the train stopped at BWI, I got up and moved ahead one car, and lo and behold, I found the quiet car.  By Baltimore, I was sound asleep, and I didn't wake up again till the conductor came through to tell us that we were in Newark and only one stop to go.  I caught my first glimpse of the new Freedom Tower and the NY skyline.

I have to be honest and say that my first few minutes in NYC were minutes of disorientation.  I had to leave Penn Station to go find the N/R lines (aka the Never and the Rarely), and when I first came out into the sunlight, I couldn't quite make out north/south and east/west.  So I went half a block in the wrong direction before heading the correct way.  I had no trouble finding the train, and since I had a vague idea of where the Strand was, I ignored the directions I had once I got to the correct subway stop, and followed my instincts.  Sure enough, there was the Strand, dead ahead!

It was almost 10, so I stopped in at a Pret a Manger just to grab a quick croissant and bottle of water.  I sat there, right across from The Strand and stared at it.  I wasn't quite ready to go in yet.  But let's face it, a croissant only last so long, so I left and went across the street and stepped inside.  The angels sang, a rainbow shone in the window, and pixies danced in a circle at my feet.

Ok, maybe not.  The main floor of the Strand looks like any other bookstore, only larger.  There were a LOT of people on that floor, and it was almost difficult to navigate.  Everything is crammed very tightly together, the width between shelves is just enough for one person.  But I saw signs for the basement, the basement where bargains live, and I rolled on down.  It was like a wonderful labyrinth of bookshelves.  You could turn down one aisle and 5 more aisles stretched out in front of you, or you could turn into one and find a dead end.  It would be impossible to look at every title--the shelves seemed 10 feet high, and books were crammed on tables and racks and shelves and every available surface.  Before too long, I had an armload, and I went to the first floor for a cart.  I traipsed around there a while, as well as the second floor, and then went up to the third floor where they have rare books.  I had to leave my bag and cart with a minder and I sat and looked through a book about apartheid, as well as some movie books and other old, fascinating books.  They were just beautiful, let me tell you.

It was after noon and I was getting hungry.  I didn't really want to carry a huge pile of books around NYC all day, but the Strand will hold your books for you and you can come back for them.  You don't even have to pay for them till you come back.  So I elected to do that.  My lunch of choice was Peanut Butter and Company.  I have long loved their peanut butter and all the different flavors they have, and I decided I would walk down there for lunch.  "just a few blocks" my directions said, but sure enough, nearly 45 minutes later, I found the place.

This is the exterior and it looks pretty good sized from outside.  Unfortunately looks are deceiving.  A good half of that space is the kitchen and front counter area. Another good bit is a small display area.  There are maybe 6 tables crammed into a very small space indeed, and if someone is sitting at one table it is practically impossible for anyone to sit behind them at the next table, to say nothing of navigating between.  There was a guy and his girlfriend at one table, and behind him was a little girl sitting with her mom, and you couldn't have gotten a piece of paper between them.

So I chose to get my lunch to go.  I didn't know where exactly I would go, but after my sandwich was wrapped and packed, I took it and walked over to a nearby building.  I thought I'd sit on the stairs, but there were benches and it turned out it was the NYU law school.  So I opened up my "Cookie Dough Surprise" sandwich and took a bite.

The angels sang, a rainbow shone in the window, and pixies danced in a circle at my feet.  Just kidding.  It was a plain ole peanut butter sandwich.  Absolutely nothing special about it at all.  I ate half of it and gave the other half to a homeless person.  It did absolutely nothing for me, and I was HUNGRY at this point.  (If I ever go back, which seems extremely unlikely, I try the PB and bacon sandwich.)  So I decided I would try BuzzFeed's recommendation for S'mac, which is only 3 blocks from the Strand.  I walked back that way via Washington Square park, where I had never been before.  I thought from the directions that it would be MAYBE a 3 minute walk from the Strand to S'mac, but in fact, it was 3 of the longest city blocks I've ever seen and it was after 1:00 by the time I got there.  I had show tickets for 2:30 and the people at S'mac were in no hurry to serve me or the people who walked in behind me, and it seemed like (and it's a good thing) they were making everything to order, and I couldn't get even an estimate of how long it would take to get a dish, so I chose to leave and head back to the train station to go back to Times Square.  (For not the first time, I was way happy not to be hauling books!)

I got up to Times Square around 2:00 and found Nuchas Empanadas, also a BuzzFeed pick.  They had a 3/$8 special, so I ordered an Argentinian, a spicy cheese, and a spinach/portabello.  I sat on a chair in a seating area they had set up and watched the newest Times Square phenomenon, cartoon characters.  They are EVERYWHERE, and they accost tourist for pictures and tips.  It was insane.

So I bit into the spicy cheese one first, I GUESS as I'm not even really sure what the heck it was, and it was ok, but not mind-blowing.  The portabello one I did not like at all.  And the Argentinian was ok too.  But I was hungry and out of time so I ate!  Then I navigated my way through the pedestrian traffic to get to the Music Box Theater.  I have no idea whatsoever if it was because it's Saturday, if it's because there are more cars, if it's because every sidewalk and building in the area seems to be under construction, if it's because of the people, but Times Square is an effing zoo.  People were literally falling off the sidewalks into the street to walk.  I was totally and completely miserable.  I HATE crowds, absolutely hate them.  I get panicky if people are pushed up around me, and sure enough it was packed.  And I don't know if it's the Bloomberg legacy, I don't know if I'm older and more tuned in, I don't know if it was spending time in Chicago where people are pretty darned nice, I don't know what it is, but it has gotten NASTY in NY.  People are outright mean and rude.  I mean, I know that's NY's reputation, but when I lived there I felt like it got better.  The city is back to being crowded, rude, pushy, dirty, the peep shows are back.  I was really kind of devastated about it.  It's not the NY I knew and loved, that's for sure.

So I got into the theater and had extremely low expectations for how the new Pippin could possibly be any good.  No Ben Vereen, I heard the words "Cirque du Soleil" whispered around me, a skinny Charlemagne, Pippin in boots, a female leading player?  Well, I fully intend to write a separate blog post about Pippin, because it blew me away.  I have been to a number of Broadway shows, a pile of national touring company productions in Boston and DC and other places, and Pippin is unlike anything I have ever seen.  I know the dialogue.  I know the songs word for word, beat for beat, and I was so entranced, I absolutely forgot to sing.  I connected with Katherine on a whole new level.  They made Granny sassier than she has ever been.  Patina Miller was nothing short of extraordinary, as was Michael James Thomas as Pippin, who fairly had sex with Corner of the Sky and sang it with a depth and intrigued that not only showed he made it his own, but also brought new meaning to what has always been my favorite song from the show. 

I am serious about organizing a trip back to NY to see Pippin for anyone who would like to go.  Drop me an email.  We can go up and back in a day, just let me know!  k a t e k o s i o r ( a t ) g m a i l ( d o t ) c o m.  A few Facebook people have indicated an interest, so I'm hopeful!

After the show, I just sat for a few minutes and then went outside and joined the autograph line.  My sister is apparently a massive Terrence Mann fan, although I had never heard of him, not being quite as much of a theater geek as she is.  Judging by the applause he received, I was in a vast minority on that one . Anyway, I wanted to get his autograph for her, but he chose not to come out.  In fact, only Pippin and Granny came out from the lead cast, and a fair number of the supporting cast came out.  So I got a few autographs and then decided to walk down to the Empire State Building for the last big deal of the day.

I've always been somewhat afraid of heights, I'll be honest.  I inherited this from my mother, who is petrified.  When I first met Mike, one of the things he told me was that there was an observatory at the top of the building where he worked, and we went up there to see Boston from 50 stories up.  It sparked something of an obsession with me.  When Penny was here, she was also terrified of heights, but I insisted she go up there.  She refused to go anywhere near the windows, screaming and laughing and I think half crying.  When I took her to NY, we went up to the top of the pedestal of the Statue of Liberty, but honestly she was scared there, and as the day went on and it got cloudy, we skipped the Empire State Building.  But as much as I don't like heights, I do love going up tall buildings.  This fall, I went to the top of the Hancock Tower in Chicago, which I think is 90 some stories up in the air, and for part of it you can walk outside.  So with Boston and Chicago under my belt, I figured it was time to conquer NY.  I knew from the movie Sleepless in Seattle that the observatory at the Empire State Building is outside, and I was feeling somewhat brave in that I liked being outdoors at the Hancock, so I battled my way through Times Square and managed to walk down to the ESB.  It was dark, and around 6pm, and it looked like it was pretty cloudy up there.  Sure enough when I got to the ticket desk, it said "Limited Visibility", but I didn't care, I just wanted to be up there.  

Let me tell you, going to that observatory requires just about a 5 mile hike around the building itself.  You have to go through so many cattle shoots, so many hallways and passages, it was ridiculous!  Then when you finally get to the elevator, if you're not a VIP, you have to wait for the VIP's.  And some Asian teenager gave me his camera and asked me to take a picture of him and his family, so I missed a second elevator doing a good deed, and then the ladies in front of me couldn't get their stroller folded, so I missed a third elevator to more VIP's on account of that!  AUGH!  So frustrating!!!  So I finally got up to the top around 7:00.  But oh it was worth it.  There was a pretty brisk wind up there, so the clouds had been blown away and the view was absolutely spectacular.  The noise and the dirt of the city that was so bothering me disappeared.  (The rude people remained, but I navigated them fairly easily.)  It was a gorgeous night and the sea of lights seemed to stretch forever.  I love natural beauty--oceans, trees, mountains--but I was totally in awe of that city.  It was just amazing.  I walked around quite a while, probably an hour, just gazing out, trying to orient myself.  Eventually I was able to spot the Statue of Liberty and other landmarks.  It was incredible.  All too soon, I figured I'd better get down, find some dinner, and get to the train station.

There used to be a bunch of pizza places around that area, and I did manage to find one tucked down a side street--nothing is where I seem to remember it being over there!  I tucked into some pizza.  It was lackluster by NY standards, but in comparison with all the other food I'd eaten and not enjoyed, it tasted pretty darned good.  I folded it like a pro, and ate it with grease dripping out the back, so it was pretty authentic.  But I did add that to my list of culinary disappointments on the day.  So I headed back to the train station, and on the way I found that they've added something called Broadway Bites to Greeley Square Park.  Basically it's a bunch of small little food stands crammed into this miniscule park, and you can go up and down and try trendy bites.  I paid a visit to Doughnuttery and got 6 mini Cacaoboy doughnuts, still piping hot, and a nice icy apple cider.  I sent my sister a text that read, "Fresh cider and donuts.  God bless NYC".  Not really what I associate with city food, but it was good.  I paid another visit to Red Hook Lobster Pound, and tried lobster mac n cheese (mainly because they were advertising a 1/4 pound lobster roll as a great bargain at $16--um what!?  you can get a whole lobster for that!), but it wasn't so great, and I ate the lobster and tossed the mac n cheese.  Le Sigh.

Made it back to Penn Station with about 30 minutes to spare, and had a bottle of water, discovered that my camera card was having issues (clearly not true given that you are looking at pictures and those of you on Facebook have seen all my pictures!), so I gave up.  I played Sudoku until they called the train, got on the Quiet car, and after a brief scuffle with a cell phone user in Trenton (well, actually the guy behind me told that guy to shut up so I didn't have to), I fell asleep and didn't wake up till BWI.  We got back to Union Station right on time at 12:29, which means I took 2 Amtrak trains without incident, something of a damned miracle!  

What about my books, you ask?

I made an executive decision to ditch the books.  First of all, I picked out nearly $150 in books, and I was paying for this trip out of money I made from selling my freezer this week, which was $160.  It seemed irresponsible.  But also, as I considered whether to go back to the Strand or go to the Empire State Building, I had a good hard think about what titles I had picked out, and I couldn't think of a single one.  Not one.  I could think of what a couple of them were about, but not what they were.  So it seemed that I probably didn't need them.  I felt badly that the Strand staff was holding them and would have to re-shelve them, but I have reasoned that this probably happens quite a bit.  So I didn't do it.  Instead, I bought my admission to the ESB and got a program from Pippin, plus I got a few souvenirs for Leah, who is presently obsessed with New York City, for reasons I can't quite understand, but whatever!

So I got back to the car and drove home, and was back by 1:30 this morning.  The cats could scarcely believe their eyes and curled up right next to me and we slept quite happily till 7:00 when they announced it was breakfast time.  So I got up, did some laundry, went to church, and now have my niece's birthday party and choir practice to attend.  In short, back to usual.  But what a lovely retreat it was, and how happy I am that I can tick that one off the list!!